What's with men and the chase?
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Do men find chasing after a woman exhilarating? So what is it about the chase that makes men's blood boil? Well five guys tell all about getting numbers, the games they love to play, dating and the pursuit of women.
Men, do you agree? Does 'the chase' theory apply to women too?
24 responses to "What's with men and the chase?"
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JEM says:Posted: 03 Jan 09
OK...please help. I hear men say, "I want to pursue/chase a woman" and meanwhile I'm saying, "I want to be pursued/chased". My question is...How does that all go down? Do I shoot myself in the foot when I tell a guy I'm interested? Does he figure "game off" because he know's I'm interested? Do I just sit around a wait for a guy to come up to me and say, Hi I'd like to chase you now? (cuz quite frankly, that aint workin for me!) I'm but a sad, sad woman at 34 who has YET to figure out how the whole 'dating scene' is supposed to work. Why can't I say, "Hi, I'm JEM. I think you're an attractive man, I'd like to get to know you"? WHY? And why can't a guy be like, "Hi JEM, you're attractive too, may I have your number"? Or even, "Hi JEM, thank you for your interest, but no thank you". Rather than, "Hi (she's interested, but I'm not, why don't I just tell her all kinds of BS that I think she wants to hear just so I can get all that I want from her, without her knowing, and thinking that I'm genuine with my interest) my name is...." Why does there have to be games at all? Why can't I say I'm interested and why can't he tell me he is or isn't...it's simple. See ya later, on to the next. Seriously I need help, I'm totally confused about how to act. I thought just being myself was what was desired (it's all I want), but I guess there are games to be played. I just need to learn how to play. Will someone teach me the rules?
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kenyanito says:Posted: 13 Sep 08i think the video does not depict what genuine men are up to..it could have been just a commercial so lets treat it with the contempt it deserves...
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71James says:Posted: 01 Sep 08I don't know if it is because black women find me more attractive than white women do or what, but I've always had more black women hit on me. White women just seem more timid. As far as me and the chase goes, I'm too old and life is too short for games. If I find a woman attractive I let her know. The worse that can happen is she isn't interested.
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rae56 says:Posted: 31 Jul 08All I can say in response to that video is, "ick!" In response to the comment regarding white women and beer, even though I'm black, I'm a woman first. I find the generalization insulting, regardless of my race.
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TallBBWcali says:Posted: 31 Jul 08Well Ladies, as a white woman I can clear this all up for you. It takes the white girls a few beers to be aggressive. A white woman will take the conversation and the balance of the man, and then work it so he is the one to persue.. damn them white girls for giving us all a poor rep!
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worthurwhile says:Posted: 30 Jul 08Salsera, that has been said to me as well - twice actually.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 30 Jul 08Saffron, No, I'm not new to interracial dating at all. All I did was just listen to his comments. It doesn't mean that I'm naive on the subject by any means. I posted those comments because they're relevant to the topic and I wanted to see what others thought. I told him that he acts feminine when it comes to the physical stuff, not the initiating stuff you spoke about. That's when he said he's not used to initiating physically because the white women used to do it for him.........All the time.... Lol. So, Ummmm, I'm not going out with him now and I actually don't know how much experience he has had. That's just what he told me.
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saffron says:Posted: 28 Jul 08salsera.."I was told that you get a few beers in a white woman and they will be all over the guy and that I, myself would have to play the aggressor if I wanted what they wanted." basically your "experienced while gentleman" told you this hooo rah?..im sorry but its hoo-rah phooey. are you new to interacial dating?..you dont have to be the aggressor with ANY man...if he likes you...gives off non verbal cues (staring...smiling...or flat out coming up to you..he likes you..period) the woman can be receptive (return the look...the smile...talk to him if he approaches...ect) they he knows u r interested...that has been my experience and i have dated and married interacially...sounds like that man wants you to chase HIM!...lol my 3 cents =0) saff =0)
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saffron says:Posted: 28 Jul 08
salsera.."I was told that you get a few beers in a white woman and they will be all over the guy and that I, myself would have to play the aggressor if I wanted what they wanted." basically your "experienced while gentleman" told you this hoo rah?..im sorry but its hoo-rah phooey. are you new to interacial dating?..you dont have to be the aggressor with ANY man...if he likes you...gives off non verbal cues (staring...smiling...or flat out coming up to you..he likes you..period) the woman can be receptive (return the look...the smile...talk to him if he approaches...ect) they he knows u r interested...that has been my experience and i have dated and married interacially...sounds like that man wants you to chase HIM!...lol my 3 cents =0) saff =0)
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saffron says:Posted: 28 Jul 08
its up to the man to chase... its up to the lady to be receptive and show appreciation.. its generally the "exception" to the rule when the girl chases and gets what she really wants (i.e committment)....so i dont want to hear the "im the aggressive woman who goes and chases what i want and it really works in the end" blah blah blah... my 2.5 cents =0)
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saffron says:Posted: 28 Jul 08
its up to the man to chase... its up to the lady to be receptive and show appreciation.. its generally the "exception" to the rule when the girl chases and gets what she really wants (i.e committment)....so i dont want to hear the "im the aggressive woman who goes and chases what i want and it really works in the end" blah blah... my 2.5 cents =0)
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blue1 says:Posted: 28 Jul 08Of course the chase is great fun. However the goal is to catch. I think the men in the video were just immature. What is important is how we get along. the past is history. How are we doing today.
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BrookeDivine says:Posted: 28 Jul 08
Hmm, great comments all - I prefer to be pursued, but definitely match enthusiasm once the pursuit has started. But I do have a question: I like men to take the lead, so with online dating does initiating a "wink" or an email make me the pursuer? Does this action take a man's 'chase' away?
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salsera77 says:Posted: 27 Jul 08
I totally ignored the video and commented on the title because I felt that the men were immature. The only redeeming quality was the comment about calling the next day. On another note I've been informed as recently as last night (and this came from a white man with a lot of experience) that white women are the pursuers/aggressors and not white men in the dating world. I was told that this is a cultural difference between black and white women and that white women pick their men and pursue. I was told that you get a few beers in a white woman and they will be all over the guy and that I, myself would have to play the aggressor if I wanted what they wanted. I had heard some rumors to this effect but I try not to believe rumors and stereotypes. Nevertheless, I was ummmm kinda shocked to have a this gentlemen come right out and tell me that.
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coppertop says:Posted: 27 Jul 08
Maybe I saw a different video. The guy on the far left seemed conceited in a way. The gentleman on the right didn't say much other than he got a divorce. The host was upset that when he got a real phone # from a woman she really wasn't into the conversation afterwords. He also said if he liked a woman he'd call her the next day. What's wrong with that? Is there another part to this video? The video I see is 2:17 long, is that what everyone else is watching?
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morningflower says:Posted: 25 Jul 08
Wonderful comments sailor - that is the kind of good old fashioned romance that appeals to me as a woman. Sure the whole Independence, go-getting crap is great - but sometimes.. as a woman, you just want to be pursued? you know what I mean? :) :)? It doesn't happen often in the times we are living in, a point that has also been well put by Salsera77.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 25 Jul 08
It's a sad commentary that today many men have taken on the role of the female and want to be pursued. This is a big turn off for me and goes against the grain of nature. Yuck! Bleck! Yea, to the real masculine men who are still around!
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cutesaved1 says:Posted: 24 Jul 08
Five of the biggest idiots I've ever seen. Atleast they're honest though. I can take an honest idiot over a liar any day of the week!
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lovemyjeans says:Posted: 23 Jul 08
Laugh_sailor, like what you said both times. I, from a woman's viewpoint only, also believe men want to be "the man", and enjoy it. There are few men who don't have a sense of pride/pleasure/satisfaction when they are able to take care of those they care about and/or love. And we women, need that. We want to know that you have our backs. Shoot! I love it! It makes me feel special, wanted, and loved by the man in my life. The guys on the video...well lol. Did he not think enough of himself to consider that the reason she gave him her real phone number the first time he ask is because she was really interested in getting to know him better?? Maybe, she isn't being easy, just interested. I guess that doesn't happen much with those five. lol
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me_in_nc says:Posted: 23 Jul 08Obviously I am not a man so I can't tell you first hand about the pursuit and how it is for them, but I have loads of male friends and I know how they act. Most of the men that I know enjoy pursuing women for the right reasons. I think that men (some) in their early 20s do that whole chase to conquer thing for physical satisfaction but it seems that as they get older, mature men don't have time for that wham bam thank you maam nonsense. Now, if you are in your late 30s or above and still playing those silly games that some of the men in the video are doing, then you are going to get just that in return - games. From the female viewpoint, most of us can tell when men are playing those games just to (as one of the guys said), "get into our panties." We can either choose to ignore you or go along with you when you are doing it. Women like to be pursued - not stalked (there is a difference :) and more than likely will respond positively if there is a mutual attraction. As far as women and their chasing: most of my male friends have also told me that they like it when a woman pursues them. They find it attractive but they DO NOT like desperation. This is just my two cents. :)
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 22 Jul 08
To answer the question "What's with men and the chase?" I think we need to look at fundamental masculine/feminine behavior we're hard-wired with. It's in my nature to want to protect my mate and in being true to myself, there's nothing I can do but stand up to a threat to her. It's a little bit of that aggressiveness that I summon in asking a gal for a date and in taking the lead in my role as a man in courting. It's useful to women in that they see I'm capable and willing to take care of my love. I think it's evolutionary and comes from the knowledge that a pregnant woman, as well as a baby is very vulnerable and needs this active, caring protection. Like RNA in our genetic makeup, I think there's an unmistakable tinge of these primal instincts in our dating urges. Times have changed and our society's thankfully quite different. There's a lot of pleasure in being chivalrous, as a man, with my date. There's a very small bit of "Beat my chest and roar my announcement of my beautiful woman and challenge any male who dares to desire her" in this..: I'm proud of my woman and it shows in the way I pursue and treat her. I do seek progressive places to live but I travel to all sorts of odd places (I find the out of the way places often more interesting.) and it's really quite rare that my gal and I'll be hazed for being an interracial couple. I think this attitude has a lot to do with that: A part of being a gentleman is not suffering bullies and as that's based on cowardice, they slink away when faced with true inner strength. And discovering that, my friends, is in my mind an important part of the reason women like men to pursue them. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts and learning from you on this.
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 22 Jul 08
You've got it, 17tigers. This is the second segment of this show I've seen and the guys are immature, to say the least. This show could be better titled "Reasons to Steer Clear of These Five Jerks." Sign me up for "Five Kind, Open-Minded, Caring, Playful, Forthright and Listening Women," please!
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17tigers says:Posted: 22 Jul 08
Those guys are brain dead. Since when did sleeping together constitute anything besides over exuberant youth. Most of the profiles I have read are about pple not liking games, unfortunately it seems, most people play them... Count me out- it is either easy to talk to someone or there is your prelude for the rest of the time you are trying to talk to them LOL.
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Hi JEM - I'm Laugh_Sailor and I am completely charmed by your sweet, forthright nature. It's just my two cents but if you play games, you'll get hurt and only find liars and cheats - People like yourself (Honest, forthright people) recognize and respect others with the same traits. "Games" are fundamentally deceiving and insulting, so they are, in themselves, red flags - Run away when you see them! Your initial thoughts, in simply being yourself, are right on. I am flattered when a woman contacts me - Very few do and I always respond with a kind note - I think any chivalrous guy would feel and respond the same. The ones who would not are just telling you they aren't what their profiles seemed: Gentlemen. Best wishes in your search, JEM - I think you're a lot more socially evolved than you give yourself credit for and a ton more mature than the guys in this film clip.