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Beauty or breeding racism?

Posted by Ria, 17 Jul

beauty or breeding racismColorism has plagued this nation since God knows when. There is a common belief that light skin is beautiful, means more opportunities, better jobs, more respect, acknowledgement and better treatment from society.

Some Black women bleach themselves so they can ‘beautiful’. Having looked up the word beautiful, there is no mention of ‘color’ in the definition. Anyhow, here are a couple of reasons two women gave for bleaching:

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“Most of this is done to impress men, and when you have black brothers telling you things like ‘I’d rather see 12 black women die than to see one white women with a runny nose’… then you have artist like Chris Rock, coming on TV making Fun of black women, and mocking them. Its like what are you suppose to do?”

“My husband fell in love with me but completely adores my skin color. I can’t change my skin tone now cause he knows me as being light. Bottom line is if you are ugly, nobody notices when u are light skin.”

So what do you make of this woman (featured on the Tyra Banks show - video below) who in a twisted attempt to make herself ‘beautiful’ bleached her 3 sons too … exposing their delicate skin to harsh concoctions every day; with the darkest one getting a little extra?

Bleaching yourself is one thing. But doing it to ones own children!!!! :roll: They say light skinned people have it easier over their dark skinned counterparts. They say a mother knows best. But seriously, is this what it’s come to; altering our children’s perceptions on color? This is exactly how racism is bred.

No pun intended but looking at how those of us who are ‘rich in color’ spring in to action in reaction to ‘racism’ or perceived racism against us, don’t you think by doing so, we are responsible for promoting the slave mentality and colonial mindset we are trying so hard to eliminate?

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163 responses to "Beauty or breeding racism?"

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 09

    Everyones skin color is different , We all eat too little or too much . Each in his or her own way has been Bullied by another in our lives . Yet , In Our own way we are Perfect for another . Keep looking it shall Happen / Believe . I personally have known thousands of Fat people , it is knot how much we weigh / it is how we carry ourselves with Pride . Anorexic skinny from hunger . Still clean and neat . We are all the same as we are all different from each other . Feed em' cake .

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  2.   1nohana says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 09

    @ Nandi. You are failing to realize that Institutional Racism still plays a part. Even if Gates is a person that had influence, it still pales in comparison to race. Race is definitive. It's fallacious to assume that it isn't - because if it weren't definitive, why should sites like this exist? Instead of attributing all of social ills to poverty, really think about what has more of a detrimental effect than just poverty, particularly when gangs are more than just an issue of poverty. Instead of that same tired talk about "Black people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps," really EDUCATE yourself in the matter of race. A sociology class, Critical Race Theory or any of Tim Wise's writings are a great place to start. --- With that said, I'd like to address the statements about 'hair' and 'blackness' in here. For a long time, black women's hair has been the battleground for everyone's social woes - and it should not be. It's dictatorial to say that "A woman that gets her hair relaxed is trying to be white." That's like claiming that Asians are trying to be white based on hair alone, particularly when the Japanese are the ones that perfected hair straightening - which, surprisingly, does not work on African-American hair. It's dictatorial to tell a black woman that "If you wear weave, you're trying to be white" - particularly when white women DO wear weave, and wear it to add more volume to their hair as well as add length. Black women are known for having voluminous hair. By that logic, are white women attempting to be black? Telling a black woman that straighteners are evil is just as crude as telling a black woman that her hair isn't good enough because it's worn naturally, or using the "good hair" excuse. It denies black women the choice and decision to do AS SHE WISHES.

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  3.   surprised says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Oh... the last comment I made is directed towards No Player, because Nandi didn't say those things about "getting our acts together" I did. Thanks!

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  4.   surprised says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    I appreciate your feedback, but the point I was trying to make about taking care of our business is that it needs to happen. I never implied that it would stop the racism or hatred that is directed towards us, but if you have a life and take care of your business when would you have time to notice or give a damn about what some bigot thinks of you. I have my own business and I am speaking from my own personal experience. I have created my own opportunities and yes I still experience tremendous racism. So What!! I am not broke and begging the white man for a handout. So I do not feel the need to bleach my skin to fit in with him. God loves and his approval is the only approval I am seeking. I have a blessed life and I understand that all my sucess in life has come from him. Not just me, not white or black people but God!

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  5.   surprised says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    I agree!

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  6.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    suprised We We are just as worthy of happiness and adoration as the next woman. That is why I live my life for me and date whoever the hell I want. “I’m Free!!!! Exactly! The rest is jus race-baitng BS, race issues are as just as futile as a dog-chasing its on tail..Dog is exhausted, when all she/he had to d was stop and live their lifes like the hell they want to...But for those who do not believe it...They just put the limitations on themselves.

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  7.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    No Player defending themselves from punks that would take their sneakers or their jackets Those are all gang related, I would think that sense you profess to talk so much about the hood, you would know that certain tennis shoes and jackets are mark for gang rites and promotion, it is a totally different case scenario than bullying. Bullying is not a criminal act, (so far) because it is mostly words exchanged. Stealing, beating up kids, shooting them are criminal acts and are not classified as bullying. So, I do not get it????? What’s funny about the faults and defects of other people? I guess, you should explain that to her...years ago. Funny thing you/yourself labeled her weight as a fault and a defect... Regardless if I have my act together or not, that doesn’t give people the right to mistreat me. It doesn’t matter how much money or property you have living in the best country in the world, that’s no guarantee that you wont have to deal with sick-ass people! I’m sure our friend Professor Henry Gates Jr. can vouch for that! LOL I would think as Black person, you would already know that racism exists and it is not going away..What they cannot take away from Professor Gates, is he education and influence he has worldwide and the multi-races that have come to rally behind him and support him..What does money and education have to do with? I could say have mercy to you, because it is laughable if you think that if it was a average to poor person in America Black or White that they charges would have been dropped...Our whole death penalty system is based on socio-economics, just poor people, many of which through the Innocent Project have been freed though DNA...never would have happened if they had money...That is a fact. "Sick ass people", I will agree with that, however because I feel that way...I could careless what they say or their opinion of me..USA is not perfect, but neither is any other country. If you want to focus on what they are saying about you everyday...Go ahead....Not me...I choose to live my life despite of....BTW, I did not write that post, but I agreed to the majority of it...Perhaps you could follow your own advice and think before you write. I am sure Professor Gates has decided to bring together the races and not let this fester. Surely, you cannot indict the USA or White people for the actions of small remaining group...President Obama election, proves alot of progress has been made, it is a choice to be progressive or not... Racist people are not sick, they are perfectly aware of how the feel towards others.

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  8.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    takinitall I have never been an insecure person and as far as flip-flopping in my statements..You first assumed I never been bullied? Then you stated " Well you are right kids who bully others have issues with themselves." This particularly girl only had issues with slim girls, because of her own issues of insecurity and self-esteem...So, the how and why of her weights is no concern to me, it should only be to her, nor do anyone has to be abused because someone is unhappy with themselves..And if a person is going to bully and talk about others, then they should expect the same in return..It was her choice and well as other bullying to project their misery on others...So yes, She an adult now and still fat and nasty and envious of others...The only one who needs to concern themselves with her medical condition is her, but surely whether its an medical condition or an case of over eating...It still her probem, and she , she not to project it on others. Because, ignorance is not recognizing one has a problem or making excuses for it.. There is plenty of people who are overweight, do not like their own self image and they do something about and the don't take it out of others...Which is my point bullies never win in the end, except for ending up losers. BTW, I posted that comment to you, without calling you a name and with respecting your opinions...After all, you did state "Bottom line is everyone needs to live their own life to the fullest. If we can’t help and support each other, we have no right to talk about them. No one is perfect and God created all of us different and unique. And the part that she did not get...All those girls she bullied because of their weight, did not make her any lighter. Because you are right, no one is perfect and God created all us different and unique..I guess the problem is getting people to be respectful of that, beit weight, height, looks, religion, sexuality, opinions, etc...

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  9.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    @ Nandi Very interesting yet contradictory response. I agree 100% that "no one should project their woes of life on others, which is what breeds bullies…." However in the previous paragraph, you write "Funny thing, I have seen that particular girl as an adult, she was a fat kid and she is now an even fatter adult, you can just look at obese people and know, something is wrong…I mean who would eat themselves to death, have no regards for their bodies and health." What make you an expert on her life? It is not funny and to poke fun at her is just immature and rediculous in my opinion. Also you do not know what her medical history is, so to assume something is wrong with her is very ignorant. Please be advised that there are several thin people who have high cholesterol, diabetes and high blood pressure. Therefore to me, your post implies that you are insecure about something within yourself, which is why you are concerned or amused by this womans weight. As far as drugs and violence being the major issue in the inner city, they are an issue everywhere. The only difference is more affluent communities cover it up and don't come into contact with as many social service or law enforcement so it is not publicized. I have several affluent clients who are out there, but because they can afford my service and private attorneys, their business is not made public. The saddest one is an Orthodox Jewish family, where the community knew the husband was beating his wife. Rather than calling the police, they tried to resolve it themselves. Eventually this man killed his wife. I know this is an extreme example, but I use it to illustrate that these communities take pride in "taking care of their own". Bottom line is everyone needs to live their own life to the fullest. If we can't help and support each other, we have no right to talk about them. No one is perfect and God created all of us different and unique.

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  10.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Nandi, Please!!!! Like hell the "inner city" doesn't have a bullying problem! If that's the case why do kids have to carry knives and other weapons as a means of defending themselves from punks that would take their sneakers or their jackets. Drug dealers and gangs reap hovac on other dealers and gangsters and those that aren't involved with drugs and gangs have to deal with the bullys. Trust me bullying is a problem in the inner city and out in the suburbs. You stated the fat girl that's even fatter as an adult, "So, I found her just as laughable as a adult as when she was a child. What is not funny is…She doesn’t even get it. What's funny about the faults and defects of other people? We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!! Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem." Nandi, did you really think before you wrote this! Regardless if I have my act together or not, that doesn't give people the right to mistreat me. It doesn't matter how much money or property you have living in the best country in the world, that's no guarantee that you wont have to deal with sick-ass people! I'm sure our friend Professor Henry Gates Jr. can vouch for that! LOL Lord, look and have mercy! LOL

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  11.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Nandi and Miri2008, What you all similarly posted regarding this website and its blog subjects, I thought for a second I was the ONLY one that noticed it. I think I'm just gonna stick to my political/financial blogs, I've actually learned more. Thanks for your previous post and insight ladies. Shotgun007

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  12.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Prettypepper, I'd like to respond to "part" of the first few lines of your post dated 07/22, I would assume you are referencing part of what I stated in my post. I would urge you to read it in its entirety & not place ALL of the emphasis on a few words listed in my blog response. Let me summarize it again, the topic of this blog is "Breeding Racism." My previous post specifically addresses the idea of "individual -born-natural-beauty" as opposed to artificial enhancements including bleaching/ambi/skin lightners/etc. I stated Beyonce and Tyra were already attractive/beautiful women, naturally speaking. Why on earth would they need any form of enhancements to change/alter what they were born with, same with skin complexion? Case&Point, the women depicted in the video bleach their children, under the "outrageous/weird" misconception that lighter skin is somehow better or more beautiful etc. This is a FALSE reality. Same thing applies (IN MY OPINION) to those women out there that feel it necessary to permanently change their hair colors or whatever. It is a FALSE sense of reality. If the parents stop bleaching the skin, it goes back to its normal state, if I stop bleaching my hair, the color fades and my hair goes back to its natural color. God made us the way we are for a reason. My prayer is that my last and FINAL post on this top has made things clearer. Shotgun007

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  13.   suprised says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Amen DrCourage! Nandi please forgive my bluntness. I just get sick of how much some of us focus on the disapproval and hatred that is directed towards us on a daily basis. There is not and has never been anything wrong with us! I think that some of us become so tired of the racist pressure we feel from society, that they eventually cave in and internalize it. I guess after that happens, they attribute all their lives problems to their skin or hair texture. I am always shocked by this behavior, can’t they see how beautiful we are! “Black is BEAUTIFUL.” We are a Beautiful people, with unmatchable variation! I am so proud to be a black woman; I wouldn't want it any other way. My mother is Native American and my whole life people have always tried to give me, what feels like a way out of blackness. Like they are doing me a favor....with comments like “Are you really just black? Or “You have such good hair" is this supposed to be flattering? Good hair … What is Good hair? Good hair is the hair that grows out of your head! Who are we always comparing ourselves to? Why do we have to be less for someone else to feel better? Or why do we become more by making someone else less? Who is this designed to help? Don’t get me wrong I am not ashamed of my mother's heritage, but my choice is and always has been clear. I am a Black woman! I am brown and in my opinion I look "black" (whatever that means because we are so diverse) but people fight me on it. Like I am missing an opportunity to upgrade myself. I wish this racist and self haters would read a history book. Blacks and Indians are two groups of people that America has tried to exterminate and deny justice, but unlike most Native Americans, we talk back, make noise and demand justice. We are strong, beautiful and determined! That is why it makes me so mad when we sell ourselves short! We We are just as worthy of happiness and adoration as the next woman. That is why I live my life for me and date whoever the hell I want. “I’m Free!!!!

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  14.   Vanillalvr says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 09

    Let me first start by saying kudos to the response given by DrCourage. Your response was very uplifting and the absolute TRUTH. MIRI2008, you always give responses that mirror what I'm thinking. I loved the post where you went from #1-#9 with OTHER practices that other races are doing to change their appearance etc. However, I am not surprised at all that I didn't read alot of responses to that accurate statement. An Asian dermatologist told me that bleaching is a huge billion dollar industry in the Asian market alone, but that wasn't mentioned within this blog story. These repetitive one-dimensional, discriminating stories (relating to African American women) are so played out and I question the motive of the editor who is posting these blogs. Can we celebrate our differences? Can we have some blogs that will make us laugh, smile, celebrate our differences and embrace other cultures? Something that will spark curiosity in some and inspire engagement in more dialogue between men and women of different races ? Shouldn't the motive of an Interracial dating site be to UNITE people who are interested in Interracial dating? SHEESH!!!!!!!!! Yes, blacks have issues, whites have issues, latinos have issues, asians have issues, indians have issues, those of caribbean decent have issues - am I sounding like a broken record yet?? WE ALL HAVE ISSUES! If we dialogue about diverse stories (instead of just African Americans all the time), I think people will see that ALL races have more in common than we think. My wise mother always said "You don't have control over people, you only have control over how you allow something to affect you and how you respond". I'm actually two shades darker than my normal complexion after being in this California sun for 14 years and I don't have a complex at all about being darker than I usually am. I carry myself with respect and dignity and I LOVE MYSELF. Men of all races approach me, because it's how you carry yourself and the confidence you exude which is sexy to alot of men (thanks Prettypepper for your post also) . When I was growing up, I was made fun of by kids too. Kids would pull their eyes in an upward slant and say "Ching Ching Chong Chong" to me like a chinese lady. My sisters were treated the exact same way and it just never bothered us. I know who God made me, so I didn't sweat the small stuff. I was approached by girls who wanted to beat me up too, because they said "I thought I was all that", but it didn't have anything to do with light skin or dark skin. I am a girly girl and have always carried myself with poise and that wasn't "black enough". My mom kept my hair together, nails polished and I wore nice clean clothes. I never acted like I was better than anyone else...insecure women with low self-esteem felt that way and that's wasn't and still isn't my problem. I love everybody anyway and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That's my response to anyone dealing with self-hate issues, I LOVE THEM BACK. I continue to be the change that I want to see in the world. As an avid traveler, it's amazing how much race plays a part in the American culture. Europe for instance is so laid back and I love it. No one makes a big deal of interracial couples there. No one makes a big deal of an older woman dating a younger man over there. People don't make a big deal of Birracial people over there. Women having babies over 40 is not a big deal over there....It's just no big deal. People just enjoy their lives - THAT'S LIVING!!! I have British, French & Dutch black girlfriends who are dating and when they tell me about the guy they are dating, they never mention race. Race is just not an issue over there and I love it! I do not speak for ALL of Europe, but only from my experiences. Aliekatt2 & Takinitall my heart goes out to you for having to go through what you went through. You are both beautiful women and everything in life is a learning experience and I'll assume that your experiences made you each stronger and a better person. Lastly, Hansgruber your post made me laugh and it was true too!

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  15.   chicnvanilla says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    In my opinion, racism stems from ignorance. If you look at most of the successful African American entertainers they have light skin, weave or staighten their hair and use colored contacts. A lot of successful actors/actresses are also light skinned, it sends a message the lighter the better, its a sad fact. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. The movie "School Daze" is a perfect example of blacks hating on each other, because of their perception of what is accepted as beauty by white America. Life is to short to worry about skin tones. If we were meant to be one color and speak one language we would be. Wouldnt life be boring with no variety ? We alI belong to one race: THE HUMAN RACE.

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  16.   DrCourage says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    I just joined this site and I am glad I did especially for these types of discussions. If we as people both black and white do not grab a hold of the love that God has for us, and the care He took in designing us uniquely, then we will never walk in the victory of self-love whether we are dark as night (as myself) or snow white.

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  17.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 09

    takinitall Actually your assumption would be wrong...However, I could careless about it then or now...However, "inner city" doesn't have a bullying problem, most of their violence is drug or gang related. And "other communities" teach their children self defense as well, to defend themselves from bullies...Funny thing, I have seen that particular girl as an adult, she was a fat kid and she is now an even fatter adult, you can just look at obese people and know, something is wrong...I mean who would eat themselves to death, have no regards for their bodies and health.. And of course these people blame the food industry, genetics, Professor Plumb as oppose to the truth..They are eating to much and not exercising enough....So, I found her just as laughable as a adult as when she was a child. What is not funny is...She doesn't even get it. And regardless of it having merit or not, who would let some bully or opinions of others dominate their lifes forever. I was raised without limitations and I refuse to live that way, no one should project their woes of life on others, which is what breeds bullies.... suprised Well, I will give you this.... We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!!Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem.

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  18.   toungejob says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 09

    The darker the berry, the sweeter the wine. Black is beautiful and u cant buy it. Am black and proud.

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  19.   suprised says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 09

    We are the biggest hypocrites!!! We can't bleach our skin or press our hair fast enough. How SAD!!!!Someone told US Black is inferior and we belived it.( so much so that we waste our lives trying to gain White acceptance and approval.) I will never bleach my skin or press my hair!!!! We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!!Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem.

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  20.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 09

    Children are supposed to Enjoy Life as they Learn the Positive Things it Holds for those that desire . To earn them . Meanwhile children need the Care of Two Parents their whole first 18 years

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  21.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 09

    @ Allikat2 I see you are also in California. I joined this singles group and they are having a party this Saturday in Pasadena. Check it out maybe you will be interested as well. www.supersinglemixers.com @ Nandi I'm going to assume that you have never been bullied. Well you are right kids who bully others have issues with themselves. As the child getting bullied you start to wonder why me? and start to feel as though something is wrong with you, hell I thought my name was "yellow b*tch" for a long time. That is what Allikat meant when she said their issues become yours. Also growing up in the inner city is different than anything else. If you don't fight back, that opens the door for other people to bully you and your bully will torture you your entire life. Even now I see people who use to bully me in school and they still have issues with me. As an adult I'm able to shake it off and keep going, but as a child that's virtually impossible even when you have the strongest parents. When I taught high school, I never took lunch. I kept my room open as a safe place for kids to come, who would normally be picked on at lunch. As a result of me sacraficing my lunch hour, kids felt safer at school and developed relationships amongst each other. Kids deserve to enjoy their childhood with extra drama of skin tone and other ignorant stuff. Too many adult issues are put on kids and they shouldn't have to carry it.

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  22.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Well said hansgruber! And there is no such thing as a slave mentality....Slaves did not have a mentality..They had a reality....This is just offensive race bating...Blacks are not a monolithic race, I cannot think of one race/ethnic group that is monolithic...So, I still fail to get the point other than to race-bait, by way of offending....

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  23.   hansgruber says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Once again the author takes a few extreme examples impugning the disorder to a wide population and suddenly its a 'slave mentality.' Give your obsessions a rest. Please. Enough with the race baiting. Enough spouting your racial psychosis publicly. Will you be writing about the white obsession with tanning beds? Or black gangster culture by white kids? The fact is a small minority of people want to be lighter, a small minority of people want to be darker. It is not symbolic of slave mentality or black racism against your own people, irrespective of unrepresentative anecdotal evidence. There is no such thing as pervasive "darkism" in society, so give your own paranoid delusions a rest, get on Prozac, and quit disseminating your divisive leftist bilge 'Ria'.

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  24.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Where ever there are dark skin people there is the belief that the fair the skin tone the better they are. It is part of the curse we must deal with. But to buy into the whole ideas of what the outside tell us what is beautiful sets you up for failure. You are doomed. We must accept that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and skin tones. It makes for such a more interesting world if we look at it like that.

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  25.   morninflower says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    @David1975 - I see my previous comment to you was not acceptable by the moderators - so I will try and be as polite as possible and tell you this - please do not post a general comment that all Kenyan people desire to be light skinned. I am of the said heritage and I take offense to your statements.

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  26.   morninflower says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    @David1975 - I'm Sorry??..I am of Kenyan Heritage and extremely proud to be black. What part of Kenya did you live? I don't think it's fair for you to generalize and say that "we as a people think that having light skin is the way to go" NOT all of us think that or even want to be light skinned! I am sure you may have encoutered a number of women - and I can name some the streets and locations where these women get all "dolled" up and act a certain way to attract expatriates etc - BUT that is not a true representation of ALL Kenyans - That is false and general statement and I am a little insulted by your comments. A majority of the people I know and trust me.. I know alot of people of all social, economic backgrounds..different tribes from different villages, slums, towns, cities that are PROUD of their skin color - We did afterall suffer horrible cruelty under colonialism and such wounds do not heal easy - so for us, light skin does not always represent "flower fields and rainbows". My maternal grandfather was a freedom fighter in the Mau-Mau movement so such general statements really get a rise out of me (in case you can't tell). Skin color was never an issue for me growing up; all I had to worry about was the next time I would get to climb a tree or swim in the river, work in the family farm - it was a very laid back situation - unfortunately, when I got exposed to city life - I encountered people especially women that were trying to conform to what they thought men especially expatriates coming to work in my country wanted/needed - Is that the only reason? no..absolutely not..there are some dumb..insecure people that want to burn their skin to fill some void that is beyond skin deep. Like I said in my earlier post.. it's just dumb..- plain and simple. P.S. Great posts everyone! I am saddened by those that had to endure cluelty in school! kids can be mean!

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  27.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    miri2008 I would have to agree, for a site promoting interracial dating...There sure is alot of "racial topics" as oppose to topics germaine to this site, majority of which is offensive. They are offensive because their are ill-formed, since the beginning of time women because of the history of women in a male dominated world have always struggled with identity and sense of self-worth...And that would be all women. So there really is no resolve and point...These situations will always exists is various forms, from eating disorders, cosmetic surgery to even drug usage...I see no reason to project that solely on one race... And if it disturbing and extreme, only means some of these women have issue deeper than changing of their appearsnce. But really indeed..... aliekatt2 I would never let anyone project their self-esteem issues, misery, anger, pain etc...on me, especially if I am not the cause of it...I feel truly sorry for people like that, but destructive people will destroy your world if you let them in...Children who fight everyday and look for people to bully have not so much of anger issues but pain/hurt issues...Specialists already knows that anger is just pain turned inside out.

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  28.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    Que` Bola People I concur with most of what you said@ Comment by Nandi But when you have to fight everyday just to get home, then their self esteem issues become yours. Whether you yourself have confidence in yourself, has nothing to do with having to fight on a daily basis,because you don't see yourself as better than them, they're the ones with the issues. And takinitall can get my back on this. It aien't kewl... If anything its a wonder that I didn't have self esteem issues myself, but I had a strong mother, how taught me that I was worthy to be loved and respected as a woman, no mater what my skin color was.

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  29.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Thanks PrettyPepper : ) the way people are carrying on, you'd think that someone was making this bleaching stuff in their kitchen and selling it to just these five women...lol.. I'm thinking it's a fairly large industry supplied by fairly large chemical processing facilities, which are finding a market large enough to justify the industry's continued existence. So, obviously some number of people must use these lotions/creams. This is just Tyra doing her thing. What would you do if you had to compete with Maury for ratings… lol I must say, as I stated on a different blog on this site, that while I like the concept of this website (specifically geared to cross ethnic dating), I'm finding the experience to be somewhat questionable. A large number of these blog topics are consistently racist in nature and narrowly focused. It is as if 'race' must constantly be made into an issue. I find this to be petty and small minded. Even if the site administrators feel that big time world events and heavy intellectual topics are out of place here, for goodness sakes, this is a dating site! Could we at least stay focused on relationships? What works, what doesn't, moving from on-line to in-person interaction safely, great first date experiences, horrible first date experiences, keeping the flames burning in the relationship, and on and on and on... : ) I will certainly stick around till the end of my subscription, but really… ugh!

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  30.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    summerbrees, great post..... I also believe that rejecting ones own culture is not that difficult, we can surely reject the negativity in our culture that stunts our progress mentally. What needs to be said to people who attempt to malign others because of their own sense of self-worth is simply.."Could you not project your low self-esteem and self-worth on me". Because that is what it is... Personally, I love me some me wouldn't matter if I was darker or lighter, I will always love the skin I am in, my self worth is what I am willing to work for and achieve, my self-esteem is for all those who are part of my culture/race who paved the roads to the many choices, options and opportunities that I do have now...I could careless what someone thinks about me; especially solely based on the colored of my skin...Not enough to make me buckle...I just wish others would recognized you do have options, even to get professional help. As far as racism...We are all born into it and no doubt will die into it, but there is no denying that much progress has happened on this issue, so there is no real or valid issue to this skin issue...Because it cannot stop you for being educated, pursuing your dreams and ambitions in life. So at the end of day, the choice and consequences for the most part our your very own.

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  31.   Taffy000 says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    I haven't watched the segment yet. I don't believe there's always racism behind wanting to "lighten" or "even out" one's skin tone. As Blacks are well aware, we aren't all one tone on our bodies anyway! As long as the creams aren't damaging the children's skin I don't see a problem with it. It's just like putting cocoa butter lotion on I think. I think the problem comes in when people associate Black or darker skin as being undesirable and light skin as being prettier. I've suffered with this as well as simply not being thought of as desirable. I won't even start on the whole good hair/bad hair issue. It's heck to grow up in a small town and to not be thought of as beautiful that stick with you. It wasn't until after I traveled a bit and got different reactions that I realized just how beautiful I was/am. I can say I struggle with this whole beauty issue. I accept myself for who I am. Where I live, there aren't a ton of non Black men who date Black women. I've done the whole speed dating thing & NOT been chosen!! Yet I can come online & get a fairly steady amount of attention. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I learned that at a very early age!

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  32.   prettypepper says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Miri2008, THANK YOU! Because all these women who are so "hurt" and "disgusted" about the practice of bleaching the skin are hypocritical. What difference does it make if Beyonce or any other Black woman adds "blond pieces" to a whole head of fake hair! It isn't just about skin tone, it's about not loving EVERYTHING about yourself--skin tone, hair texture, eye color, body shape, etc., and not buying into the notion that you have to have 'white' features and hair (which is a joke, because I've seen plenty of white people with full lips, large noses, protruding eyes, big asses, kinky hair, etc. and people of other races with the so-perceived 'white' physical attributes) to be considered beautiful. I have an average complexion and I happen to be pretty. So what? The so what is I've experienced so much jealousy and hatred at the hands of BLACK WOMEN about something over which I had no control. My youngest sister is very dark. She has ALWAYS had men of EVERY race chasing after her because it's about her attitude (and great personality)--she KNOWS she's beautiful. She's also experienced a lot of jealousy. We both have curly hair. Her curls are thick, glossy and much looser than mine. Big deal. My curls are like corkscrews. Who cares. It makes me sick that I can not wear my hair in it's natural state without BLACK WOMEN commenting on it--"You have nice hair," "Your hair is beautiful" "I wish my hair was like yours" and the one that makes me want to vomit "She has GOOD hair." I don't care if they're trying to be complimentary (it's OFFENSIVE to me)--the topic of hair is an obsession with Black women. Why!? They don't even KNOW me. I'd rather they ask me my name than make some comment about my hair! ALL HAIR IS GOOD! ALL SKIN TONES ARE BEAUTIFUL! Black women need to see themselves as beautiful; nobody else can do it for them. And everytime they fake-up their hair, wear colored CLs, bleach their skin, etc. THEY THEMSELVES perpetuate the notion that they aren't beautiful. And Bluespec5, you're dreaming if you think Asian women don't have issues about their skin tone. They also have issues with the shape of their eyes. People of EVERY culture (including European) have image issues. Black people, women in particular, just have the most because, generally, they believe the lie. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think we need to revisit this nonsense ever again. Please forgive the rant, but this article really struck a nerve.

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  33.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    This is really an extreme case and these types of cases are not really race related...We have women all over have implants, injections, eating disorders etc...These women needs professional help and alot of this disorders particularly involving Black Women....Some how they always get tied into racism....When their outer appearance is not the root of the problem, no more than the eating disorders are the root of those girls/women problem...What you will find that is universal is low-self esteem, inability to fit in... We live in a society that looks matters, cosmetics, plastic surgery, weight loss is an multi-billion dollar industry. And alot of women take up these obsessions than to deal with the deep seated issues...Which alot of it includes physical and sexual abuse as children. http://www.foothillsalliance.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=22&Itemid=25 According to this report 1 in 4 girls in the USA, will be sexually abused before 18 years old...So, I really do not think alot of this "Black self-hatred" have little to nothing to do with why so many women, are into these extreme behaviors.

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  34.   chellebelle6 says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Wow, I've never experienced the beat down because of my skin color thank God! I haven't been told I was better then anyone else either. My first issue with this is with my children. My ex is very dark and we have 3 beautiful children that all took his complexion. My middle daughter struggles the most even though I tell her she's soooo beautiful to me and the rest of the world! It breaks my heart. I'm always trying to build her confidence and she's just angry that she doesn't look more like me. It's so sad that this has been used for years to divide us. My grandmother always said you're no better but just the say as everyone else.

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  35.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    OMG! Alikatt I swear our stories mirror each other, hug youself for me. I also attended school in South Central; Watts to be exact, but we lived in Victorville. My mom commuted daily for work and wanted us to have a "balanced life." Of course I learned ghetto etiquette which comes in handy today, in fact I tell people "I'm from a little town called Watts, California." Ok, back to the topic at hand. I am really happy to have read all of the responses from the beautiful dark sisters. It makes me feel good about my daughters confidence level. I have lots of dark skinned friends who are not very secure in their skin. My kids attend an all black school and my daughter just started kindergarten. Many of my friends have recommended that I change her school (preferably to a predominately white school), due to fear of her being teased and taunted by other kids. I am currently battling with their suggestions. One may argue that as long as the parents instill pride and confidence the child will be ok. The reality is kids are mean and I don't want my baby to grow up hating herself. I constantly tell her she's beautiful and call her princess, top model, diva and much more. Does anyone have any concrete things I can do or say to her to raise her self esteem?

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  36.   hitech12 says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Hi everyone, this is my first time on the blog, but I've enjoyed reading everyone's opinion on this matter. Let me first say that I couldn't even finish watching the video above because to me, it was ridiculous. I'm a light skinned black man, and even though I can tell you first hand, light skinned blacks don't have it easier, I believe all shades of black are beautiful, just as I feel that EVERY race has something beautiful to offer this world. My dad is a light skinned black man, and my siblings and I all have the same skin tone as he does. My mom has beautiful dark brown skin. Not once was skin tone an issue in our house growing up. No one ever even mentioned it. However, going to school and growing up, I was always called hi yellow, red bone, light bright and almost white, and I can go on and on. Just about everyone thought my mom was a White woman. I never got into too many fights, because that was just the way things were. I would even say things to those darker than myself out of anger. Both dark and light complexion blacks just picked on each other that way. However that didn't make it right. 1nohana had an excellent point when she wrote, 'we make more of those differences and variations in skin tone than White people do'. I'm sorry to repeat what has already been written, but we are all black no matter how light or how dark. We have got to get over this ridiculous thinking because to me, it divides us as a race in a way, and it shouldn't be like that. I look at my mom today, who as I mentioned has smooth dark brown skin, and is beautiful. I have no idea how someone can say lighter skin is better. All races have attractive features and different skin tones. No one is the same and there is so much more to a person than their skin pigment. We all need to remember that, no matter what skin tone we may have, or what race we are.

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  37.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    lol @ Treacle09 so true. Lol @ summerbrees the feminist in me screams too, to think that it was done on some scale for men. But as a person who is mixed and light sknited (hee-tee) I have to agree with takinitall! I got jumped everyday ( which means I can kick ass now), so much so that my dad put me in a dojo. When my parents moved here from New York, they moved to S.Central trying to fit in. My dad's Cuban and my mom's mixed. I went to catholic school, had hair to my butt, and grey eyes. My oldest brother was a blonde and has blue eyes, and my other brother was a red head, and has hazel eyes, and my youngest has green eyes. (and we won't even get into my younger siblings). There wasn't a day that my mother wasn't at the skool for one of her kid fighting. They would tease my brother and ask him if my parents dyed his hair,called him white boy and he'd git mental and commence to ass kicken. We're Cubano/Boicua, not white lol j/k. Anywhoo, When I was 11 I got jumped by four darker skin girls, because they said that I thought I was better than them. They ripped my shirt off during the fight, so I had to walk eight blocks to my house with my back pack on backwards to keep my boobies from showing. (not to mention cracked the eye-bone above my eye socket, bulled out massive amounts of my hair, and fractured my arm.) (My mom was gonna cut each one of them lol.)Funny but not. Just because you're light skinned doesn't mean that it more tolerable for you. It sucks to say that my parents had to move their children out of the neighborhood. Its even sadder to say that I was happy from then on, because my parents moved to Hollywood, and me and my brothers and sisters fit in then. I never had another fight because of my skin color. And the thing with Cubans and Puerto Ricans, we can be either light or dark skinned. My daughter is the only Dark skinned person in my family and she is a beautiful queen, and I tell her this everyday. Her skin color does not equate her worth, she will always be my princess, and I said princess, not black princess, because her skin color should not matter.

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  38.   david1975 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    Im English but lived in Kenya and they think that the lighter there skin colour the better they are. They even call people who are very black. I love black women and the blacker the better for me :-)

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  39.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    When I was really young and didn't know better, it hurt a little bit when guys wouldn't look at me (but at my light skinned friends) or when people (even family members) would comment on my "darkness". That was then. Early on I learned to not care what others thought of me because my parents constantly reaffirmed my beauty. I also had a whole lot of something else going for me - confidence - because if you don't believe in yourself who else will?

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  40.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Do any of the following fall into the same category as the bleaching practice? 1) chemicals and/or heat to straighten hair 2) weave to add length/volume to hair 3) colored contact lenses to give eye color variety 4) literally baking in the sun/tanning bed to tan 5) using tanning lotions to appear tan 6) breast implants 7) various other forms of cosmetic surgery 8) chemical peeling of the skin 9) Eyelid surgery to add a crease specifically to make Asian eyes appear more Europea

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  41.   morninflower says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    DUMB! JUST DUMB! That's all I have to say...

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  42.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Lady K you are absolutely right..my aunt looks 2x darker than i am...no one can tell she's 100% white unless they take the time to look at her features. it all lies in our own minds. Summbrees: you need to be a teacher or a counselor.. loved how you phrased your thoughts

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  43.   bluespec5 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    I really don't see this as racism as some are claiming it to be. I have traveled the world, and I can say without a doubt that God didn't give any one race all the goods; he spread it out among them. Had he given all the good looks to one race, then you'd have one group of arrogant cOck suckers that all the other races would despise. I think we are at a point in human and societal evolution that we often think of ourselves as being able to design our bodies and our looks. It doesn't mean we want to be race X or that we dislike our own race. It simply means that we have formed certain tastes in what we see as attractive. Then if we like several physical characteristics of another race, we get labeled as hating our own race. I am Caucasian. Up until age six, I had half a head of blond hair and half brown hair. Then within a six month period my hair changed to completely dark brown. I wanted my bond hair back and wished that for years, but after I became an adult, I could have bleached my hair, but I finally accepted myself for what I am. I realized that there are attractive people who don't have blond hair, haha. Ok didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that out... And by the way, we've been led to believe that it is only Caucasians who are white. I beg to differ. I live in Japan and have traveled to China and Korea, and I have found many white-skinned Asians. I would dare say that I have found more white skinned and more brown skinned Asians that I ever have "Yellow" skinned Asians. Many women here bleach their skin or at least wear heavy sun screen so that their skin will not tan. It's not because they want to look like white Europeans; they just prefer to have white skin. And just for the record, any women with intelligence and a bright personality I find attractive regardless of her skin color. I think we should love ourselves for who we are, change what we can (and want to change) but don't worry about any changing meaning that we are not race X or race Y. Race is really a very shaky concept anyway.

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  44.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    P.S. You shall never be able to change the errors made in the days of old . Why Dwell on them , Try to look ahead . The Future is indeed Brighter for those that can see advancement in Life .

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  45.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Self Worth is how you carry yourself in life , Being born white , of smaller stature and becoming Disabled at a younger age / I have seen personally how those that were born more fortunate [ with a silver spoon in their mouth ]. Turned into worthless individuals with no drive to do anything productive . Color of skin has totally not any difference [ in the years past - it may have been that way - Times have changed / learn to use these changes ] in the way each person carries themselves in the Respect they show for all others in this Day and Age . Look around you , the ones who complain constantly sitting in groups smoking cigarettes and watching Capt. Kangaroo will go nowhere in life / if they were to use their time to try to improve their lives . Would be as Fortunate in Victory as My Wife and I were , here on this site. Curling 12 ounce bottles will never make you a weight lifter , it causes Drunk people to make unwise choices in their behavior - thus commiting illegal acts and incarceration due to breaking man's laws / Unless time spent in containment at the exercise yards pumping iron is all you look for in life . summerbrees ; Please feel free to look at My pictures / and the irony is you will Still see White in your eyes and you shall never know the Journey in life that I have traveled or the Labors that I have done to get where I am Today . You do not have any idea the times in my life that I went to sleep hungry . However , I was Blessed to find a Wife on this site. Because I did knot sitback and complain . I got off my ass and moved Forward . People regardless of their heritage in life can only Dominate you if You allow them to do so . You shall only Succeed if you yourself make the effort . The saddest part is all people are born Equal , in my Past life being single and Disabled , I was Terriorized by the Criminal Mentality of others / alas I did knot give up and fall Victim to those that did these Cowardly acts against me . I used intelligence , online advice and the Benefits of 800 telephone numbers to bring Our Lives into a Happier World . In this U.S.A. , there are many Representitives in our Gov't / Who are paid well to help Citizens in some of their problems . Only if you personally take the time to seek Help . And the numbers to call are in the front pages of telephone books . We saw many Bigots and through avoiding their Stupid comments and Negative actions , We have found that by looking into the present and Dreaming about the Future we are Happy Together . They on the other hand still Swill in their own Effluence [ excretement ] as they are knot Smart enough to crawl out of it . We shall allow them to smell like they do . We purchased some Blue dye last week to color my old A-shirts which with time faded from White / Life is and shall always be as each chooses to make it for themselves .

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  46.   1nohana says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    (somehow I hit submit too quickly) What I would like to tell these women is that they are BEAUTIFUL no matter what their skintone is. Screw people that find them as being less-than because of how light or dark they are. You want someone that will love you REGARDLESS of being a redbone, "glowing" or getting attention from a bunch of relatively irrelevant people. If you can't validate yourself, don't expect anyone else to validate you.

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  47.   1nohana says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    This is disgusting. summerbrees stated everything that I think. Black is definitive. While the are some privileges for lighter skin versus that of darker skin, they are MINISCULE. Ultimately, we make more of those differences and variations in skintone than WHITE PEOPLE DO. White people still see a light skinned black person as black unless they are clearly biracial. White supremacy is so potent in our society that it has hurt us most of all. We literally try to change our most defining and beautiful characteristic - our skintone. I think about that and I nearly cry. I've never dealt with being "too light" or "too dark". I literally fall inbetween.

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  48.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Summerbrees, Well stated!!

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  49.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Whurr your comment was too funny but oh so true. Glock, you really brought out some valid points and thank you for putting it so eloquently. Does bleaching breed racism? I'm not the expert but I can certainly say that Blacks have never held the power to leverage racism in America. I do think it breeds self-esteem issues though. No one can deny that. The standards of beauty are gradually changing, but there are a lot of conflicts. Since the Stone Age, (white complexions) were deemed "Most Attractive", yet now that we have some of the more famous power-house black women in the Media... Tyra Banks, Beyonce, they appear to de-embrace their total ethnicity. Beyonce and Tyra, both highly beautiful women, yet continue to add bleach and blonde hairpieces to enhance their looks. whats that all about? So when young Black women look to the media for role models and some of the biggest names in the business are shying away from their own ethnic features,...it really makes me question how deep the cycle of "Hollywood Beauty" has become. The parents depicted in this Tyra video probably need a dose of reality and maybe a few counseling sessions. Shotgun007

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  50.   searching4ya says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Another example of someone going to extreme, for what? We, as most of us know, are individual. Our real beauty lies beneath our skin, no matter of color. I feel the insecurities or unhappiness with ones skin tone is more than skin deep. But then again, living in S. FL., where racial (Bi and Inter. included) apprehension is almost non existent and beauty is perceived in every skin color, I may be biased. Also, I must add that I'm really shocked by some of the reverse racist (black attacking white) comments here. Guess this mentality is why some people are bleaching their skin. So sad, shallow minded people leading others to do stupid and harmful things to themselves. ;-(

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