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Are you in an interracial dating site to date your own?

Posted by Ria, 05 Nov

interracial dating siteWhy are you a member of this interracial dating site? Well, as most of us would assume, it’s because you want to date interracially. I mean, it’s an interracial dating site, right?

OkCupid – an online dating site – analyzed messaging habits of almost a million of its members. They came up with some very interesting findings: one being that your race determines whether you will get a response to messages you send out to other members you are interested in.

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Some of the findings are:

  • Black women are the best respondents. They are more likely to reply to a first message from another member. However, they get the fewest replies. In essence, all races single them out (sad as it is to say) - even black men.

  • White men get the most responses – from women of all ethnicities. Irony is: they are the worst respondents to messages sent to them.

  • White women – much as they have an above-average compatibility with men of almost all ethnicities – respond much better to white men. Asian and Hispanic women utterly prefer white men. The rate of reply of these three groups of women to non-white men is terrible. What’s more; even though very few people considered interracial marriage a bad idea, 45% of whites prefer to date within their race, compared to 20% of non-white (with 54% of white women preferring to date white men).

Could these findings be true for this site – that underneath, a significant number of members on our interracial dating site still prefer dating members of their own race? And does race really determine ones success or failure on an interracial dating site?

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144 responses to "Are you in an interracial dating site to date your own?"

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  1.   Bailamorena says:
    Posted: 28 Nov 09

    Well I love LOVE LOVE Black me. MYUAH! But I also love love love latinos! But latinos love me back. They give me attention and make me want to give them my all. I've been hurt by black men. I'm not stereotyping. I will say that my experience has always been better with my latino friends. Black men seem to want white women...once again, this is experience speaking, not statistics.

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  2.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 09

    @Melliot I think you may have misinterpreted my post. My point was that if a man truly wants a woman he will do what it takes to keep her. No he doesn't have to be rich, but he has to do something. And I personally will not date anyone with bad credit, child support debt, a criminal record, lives with his mother or drives a fancy car because our values are not in alignment. If more men were honest with women and told them, hey I can't afford to take you out, but I'm cooking or let's have a picnic as opposed to I don't want to go out , I just want to chill at your house our interactions may be different. For the longest of time I fell for the okie doke and felt I had to settle for less,because that was all I saw. Once I evolved into womanhood, I learned different. I learned its much more to a man than swagger, car, looks and other superficial things I thought to be true. Unfortunately,many of us SBF are not willing to admit it; but we have all settled; especially those of us who refused to date interracialy for the longest. I'm sure there are jerks in every race, but I have had the best dating experiences (although limited) with SWM. As a people we have issues, I'm not going to be Larry Elder and air them all here. But our men need to be leaders and stop making excuses. Many of us women are tired of having to lead and take care of everything. If more SBM had a man in the home, they might know how to be a man. Unfortunately, there are more black boys being raised by women than any other race. The homes where black boys have men, often do not have strong, positive men. There are very few black men who are capable, responsible and have morals. I work wih some of the most dynamic black women, but their husbands are all worthless (who are also black). I listen to them cry about how he doesn't work, won't pick the kids up from school, is emotionally and physically abusive, lies and cheats. But when I ask why do you stay if it's so bad, the responses are "a piece of man is better than no man at all", "I want my kids to have their daddy and he won't see them if I leave","he needs me and I have to have his back". I think I got off topic, but no I'm not here to date my own. My profile welcomed all ethnicities, but you better meet all the requirements on my list before replying. Yes I would date a SBM if he is together, unfortunately, many of them aren't.

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  3.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 09

    Just a Moment of Silence / For all the Turkeys that gave their life so many could Feast yesterday . Cheap is a way of being able to pay Less / Our last grocery receipt was $3.95 for ten cans of vegetables ; Three Sweet peas Three French style Green beans Three sweet Corn and a can of Cranberry sauce . Vanessa cooked our turkey and we Enjoyed an Eight course Thanksgiving Dinner at home for less than $5.00 a plate . Sun tea , Black coffee and fresh well water . Call me cheap / call me successful because of this site . The Homestead was paid for in Cash over 27 years ago , the work done by my hands over the years to improve . Finally got the lawnmower running and cut the grass for the last time this year / walking behind it . Evergreen Honeysuckle still inbloom on front fenceline / planted that over twenty years ago . Retired due to the Grace of God / Alas if I was to pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee , I would have left a dollar tip . Most Men make life Enjoyable the Best they can . As do our Pretty Dinner Dates and Mine cooked for Us because as she says " Les , I Love you " . Ditto Please never call me late for Dinner yummy .

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  4.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 09

    @Tina83Flame Congrats!!!!! Way to go girl! Now I'm so happy to hear that you found happiness. I wish you the best. Happy Holidays and wedding planning!!

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  5.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 09

    @Takinitall Thank you very much for the encouraging comment. I really appreciate the consideration in what you wrote, but I have to say that most of the issues addressed do not apply to me...lol.The reason I say so is the fact that I'm constanly on the go with school(attending Ivy Tech),spending time with family and friends, and of course, I do date outside of the site. I'm just part of a group of women who are discussing some experiences we've had on the site. The one experience I wrote about the guy approaching me, happened while I was on a date with another guy(not from the site). I'm not sure joining a group would benefit me, but I guess it couldnt hurt if I had the time..lol.Honestly,I havent had the time to feel lonely yet and would really appreciate having more time to spend at home....lol.Just to put your mind at ease, I have no intention of leaving the site as of yet or at least until my membership expires. You had some great ideas. I feel that everyone can use a little help sometimes. In response to the statement I read somewhere about it being turned into a race issue. How can it not border on discussion about race...this is an interracial dating site...isnt it? Well of course it is. There are going to be times when we are going to walk really hard on the egg shells. Race is just one of those things that is a hard subject to discuss no matter what it entails. Although, I talk about racial issue, I'm not here to try and make race an issue in any situation. There are already so many racial issues than we can handle going on. My point was to get across how women of color are classified and viewed by society. Women of all cultures have come a long way to be heard and take a stand in society where we all have a place to be heard. Pretty much the way we blog on here...a place to be heard.The sad and true fact of the matter is and people can hide their heads in the sand and refuse to admit that it exists. But the fact is still the fact that black women are not taken seriously or heard on issues that we address today, especially on the site. Dating outside our culture just happens to be one of the biggest issue among a few others that we face on this site. Thank you everyone for all the hard work done to provide all the statistics discussed on the site, but I'm not sure what they really have to do with the real reason we are all here. Arent we all here in the hopes that we might find someone who is compatible with what we desire in our partner? Good thing is that we dont have to be deperate or lonely to be a part of the site.We just express our free will...lol. You know I dont expect my date to pay for anything for me. I pay my part unless it is specified that I'm being asked out and that the date inviting me expressed to me that everything is at his invitation therefore his treat. In my opinion this is the way it should be. I know its hard to come around to this way of thinking because society taught us that its the man's job to take care of us. Think of it this way, that role doesnt surface until after the I dos.No one is obligated to pay for any thing for us. Of course its very nice of a guy to take out the woman and pay for every thing, but these days its not happening so often. If you go on a date and all you can think about is how many things he can buy you, then something is wrong with the way you are thinking. What happened to getting to know the person? Ladies, its our duty to show the guy that not all women value the number of figures of his bank account has or how good of a job he has. Personally, I prefer a guy, who is kind, loving, considerate, and has a good sense of humor...etc.If he has been blessed with a regular 9-5 job, then I think its great for him. Have you ever heard the saying "you get what you pay for?" Well my reasoning behind that is the fact that if you settle for someone you have to give the world too and there is nothing else between you then you have a very vain person and that is what you bought. So guys what I am trying to say is please take responsibility for your own mistake. Blame is a two way street. Dont start what you cant or or wont keep up after the new wears off. And by no means dont give gifts right away. That gives the woman the false idea of a fairy tale type romance. Please keep it real of who you are inside, not the man you wish you could be for her. Just remember you cant keep it up forever. Thats the reason women think men change when actually they changed at first and slowy came back to the man they really are. I hope everyone had a wonder Holiday.

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  6.   Dani86 says:
    Posted: 26 Nov 09

    Wow. For people who are looking for love, there sure are a lot of statistics and numbers going on here. I thought matters of the heart were beyond scientific research and categorization. Or maybe I'm just being naive...

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  7.   van21 says:
    Posted: 26 Nov 09

    The statistics above hold some water, though i would say its according to what you want in life, the color does not count alot, its the person, black or white. love is all that is needed.

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  8.   Tina83Flame says:
    Posted: 26 Nov 09

    I have meet the most kind, caring loveing gentleman who is handsome and white on this site. For the both of us we took every word that was posted on our profile very serious and we will be getting married next year. Thank you Tina

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  9.   melliot says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    Takinitall and other women, Let me first clarify one thing. Men are not cheap. There is no man who would rather live, eat, drink cheap. Circumstances involving changing economic conditions make a man like anyone else cheap. SO lets Socratically get to the bottom of why some men spend like their is no tommorow on a woman and some dont. I will only touch on a few points and encourage others to add to the list at will. First lets discuss the fact that all jobs ar enot created equal monetary wise. A hard working man who stocks shelves at Walmart is simply not going to make as much as a hardworking man who works at a corperate law or financial firm. Therefore monies spent in dating and effect each mans financial status differently. If I work an honest job as a cook at Denny's chances are my paycheck will just make rent with a little left over for cable and food. I might be passionate about cooking and that might be the only job I can find that will allow me to explore my passion. Nonetheless I am doing what I feel I was born to do no matter how low my monthly income. If I was one of the brave men and women who every year move to foreign least developed countries to educated children and live in meager conditions and get paid very little money in the organization known as the Peace Core I might not have 2 pennys to rub together to buy myself a meal let alone someone else. You cannot drain blood out of a turnip and I surely am not going to miss meals or lose my housing to impress a woman financially. So first ladies consider a mans economic conditions before having expectations of what they can afford. Secondly, with more money oftentimes comes more financial obligations undertaken to maintain a certain lifestyle. If I just finished 10 years of medical school and now am a surgeon making $150K a year guess what! All that money I am bringing in will go back to paying off my loans that I am up my eyeballs in debt in. If I am a lawyer who paid 33-45K a year for a legal education not even including my undergrad education then I am also up to my eyeballs in debt. Sure I have on a nice suit everyday which is part of my profession. YEs I might have a leased Mercades Benz in my driveway to give potential clients the perception that I am doing well and getting lots of clients. However, in reality I might just be making ends meet while trying to build up my practice. Some men own a house and pay a hefty morgage on it every month. Some men own rental properties that are sitting empty and much of their income is directed towards paying of the morgage.Some men might have college loans weighing them down and other men might not have a well paying job or a child to support or an ex wife to pay alimony too. The reasons might go on forever because in life we all acrue some type of debt. Some people go further into debt while others restrict their spending while others make calculated risk int heir spending which leads me to my next point. Calculatedd risk in spending. Ladies lets be honest a first date means exactly that a first date. No man is entitled to a second date or even a phone call after a first date. MAny women after a first date delete the man number and never communicate with him again. Many men suffer such rejection frequently by women after a first date. Many men would like to tell the woman what he had to sacrafice in his personal life to take a woman out. He would like to tell her that he thought enough of her to spend his last few dollar to take her out to a place he thought she might like. That same man might be eating span and crackers until his next paycheck. These are the stories women never hear about, but they do exist amongst men. It all depends on a mans finances and what he directs his limited resource which is money too. We are not a greedy bunch of heartless savages. We would all love to get you whatever your heart desires, but not early on in the dating process it takes time ladies time and trust that if a man decides to make financial sacrafices for a woman she will be with him past the first date. Some men will buy a woman the world on the first date because their finances allow them to do such, but that man is a small economic percentage of all men. I caution you women who see a man doing such things as Prince Charming because only time will tell if his spending is a front to get to your cookie or is he consistent. Sadly, oftentimes such exploits by men are a means of a way to get to the riches between your thighs. NEver assume that because a man refuses to spend money that he thinks your are being a gold digger because againy ou dont know his finances and where his money is going. For instance I personally put 75% of my money into investments and the 25% I do use is for my living expenses. Food, Utilities, this website bill lol. It is a personal choice my brothers and I made with my father when I was really young so I and my wife and children someday when i get married and have kids will live comfortably. So for me I have to be frugal with my expenses and whereas paying for a babysitter might not be a big thing for one person for me it might mean baloney sandwich for the rest of the month. So ladies again never judge a man by the way he spends and dont assume he thinks you are a gold digger for asking for money because he most likely really dosnt have it. Lastly, let study dating through a capitalist perspective. Dating is a process by which men seek to pick a valuable and scare resource which are women to enter into a relationship with the hopes that such a relationship will blossom into marriage and a lifelong companionship. Why are women considered by men to be a valuable and scare resource? Simple because in Western culture the norm is that men ask women out. Ladies I didn’t say men asking women out was an absolute I simply said it was the norm. The norm is also that women for the most part decide if they wish to accept the invitation thus women are a scare resource for men in the terms of dating because there is a limited supply of women that will accept a date or agree to date each man. The key for men is to find those women who will agree to go on a date with you and are most likely to want to establish a relationship with you. Thus women in the scope of dating for a man are a scare resource. Some men have a surplus and some men have deficit or scarcity of a supply of women agreeing to date them. For the average men it is a scarcity. Thus it has been established that money and women willing to date a man are scare resources in most geographical locations in America unless you win the lottery. So men must find a way to direct their scare resource of money towards the most efficient means of production. Production in simple terms means the production of a substantial dating relationship with a woman. Since his financial resources are limited and he is single and dating trying to find the right woman willing to enter into a substantial dating relationship he might go out on several dates a week with different women. Therefore, men who are dating have to spread limited financial resources over a broad spectrum of dinners, movies, drinks, ect…whether these entertaining dates are cheap or expensive the point is everything cost money and their are no guarantees of outcome for men. Whereas in many cases when women might go on several dates a week with different guys to seek a potential mate they could spend little if any money men usually in first dates cover the tab. 2-3 dates a week to meet that special lady can be quite costly and eventually add up to bad credit if a gentleman is not careful with his hard earned monies. Therefore, he must calculate probability sometimes. For example if a man gets the impression that Sally who is difficult to get in contact with is just not that into him he is less likely to spend his scare resources “Money” on her for a date and direct them towards Betty who he is going out on Fri because she actually calls him everyday to chat after work. If Sara is just out of a break-up he is less likely spend his limited resources on her because chances are she might just be dating but not looking for anything more than a good conversation to get her mind off of things. Whereas, Latisha who he might see on Fri might be well over her breakup and seems excited to get to know you and spend time with you. Or Maria might have invited you out with her friends as her date which means she is trying to inject you into her life. In those cases it is only logical for men to withhold expenses on an unsure investment and seek his scare resources into the more steady investments “Women who appear ready to pursue something more serious than casual dating”. That being said men have to make tough choices jus like women about who to see and who not to see. The only difference is that in the majority but not all of the circumstances women invest time into dating whereas men invest time and money into dating. So the next time ladies a man is tight with his purse think about the aforementioned circumstances which might have lead him to become cheap. Think hard and it might just make logical sense. Ok Takinittall, You know I got love for you sweetie so lets work through this equation real quick. If African Americans only make up 13% and the majority of the 13% is Black women then that means Black men not that many in America. Now take into account that many end up associated with the in the criminal justice system and the few left either take on minimum wage work that leave only a small fraction who finish high school, go to college, and obtain a middle class salary job. Therefore, it can be said that the majority of African American men legally employed in America are earning salaries well below the national average and slightly at or below minimum wage. Statistically the salary gap between African Americans and European Americans pre the recession is quite large although the gap is closing there is a long way to go. So taking that all into account we have established the most people have a better chance of buying another Ricky Martin CD than finding a group of African American men earning middle class wages in America. I did say group not an exception a group. Yes there is Atlanta and DC where one could say African Americas at large have done quite will but there are 50 other states “Lets face it we own Iraq now” where you would be hard pressed to consistently encounter Black men earning at middle class wages. And if you do find some then I refer you back to the aforementioned school loans, business expenses, mortgages, ect…. Sure there are some who are clear and free of debt, but again due to population stats those black men are tough to find even Jehovah witnesses and NAACP can’t track those successful brothers down to make a donation. So don’t be so quick to think that they look at you as a gold digger. Stop for a second and realize this brother might actually just not have the money at this time to spend at this time. He might be putting his brothers and sisters through college, paying the mortgage on his moms house he promised her he would buy here when he graduated from Medical school, or he simply might just be putting all his funds into his new business and doesn’t have babysitting money to spare at the time. Lastly and this applies to every woman: IF YOU KEEP DATING MEN WHO LET YOU DOWN IN SIMILAR WAYS THE IT IS NOT THE MEN IT IS YOU AND YOUR ATTRACTION TO THOSE TYPE OF MEN. It amazes me how Black women will sit here and say Black men are this and Black men are that, however when you go to date a person of another race he is the complete opposite of what you would look for in a black man. Be consistent don’t say I prefer my black men to dress and act in a different manner then you prefer men of other races that is an insult. If you won’t date a Black computer geek then be consistent and don’t date white computer geeks or vice versa. TO say I like my Black men to have swagger like Jay-Z but I like my White men to act like Bill Gates is an insult to both races. The largest fallacy in Black women dating practices I have seen and as some of the European American brothers have pointed out is how Black women tend to look for the clean cut European brother to date, but when choosing to date a Black man she might only look for the non clean cut guy on his way to prison or without his shit together. It says by your actions that you being black hold black men to a certain level and any black men who exceed that level are no longer being black because they surpassed your expectation of what a black man should be. Lastly, ladies lets be consistent because I can already hear the grumblings that men have no business going on several dates a week with different women even though women frequently see different men for casual dating throughout the week. It is no different when a man does the same thing. Just like many women choose to engage in the practice of going out on dates with multiple men until you find the right fit for them, men do the same thing to and there is nothing wrong with it. Dating is nothing more that interviewing or being interviewed for the job of sole partner in a substantial dating relationship. Just as you ladies have the right to go out on many first dates so do men if they choose to and it does not make them dogs.

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  10.   simple75 says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    This site teaches me way more than black planet ever could. Why? Black women present themselves differently here. There is a certain honesty that they speak/write with here (at least in this thread), even if it hurts me as a black man. (Yes, takinitall, your post hurt to read. I can only imagine what it was like to live it.) I’m not here because I hate black women. I love black women. Personally, I don’t date bigots of any race. Period. Hence why I am not a member of other race based dating/social sites. I know it sounds stupid, but I’m more likely to get along with and share commonalities with a black woman that is willing to date outside of her race than one who is unwilling to even consider that as an option. Why? Truthfully, I don’t believe this is an interracial dating site. It’s an intercultural dating site.

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  11.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    "Ladies stay online at this site" NOooooo don't do it lol There is no reason why people just need to rely on this site. The fact is this site is made up of around 70% non white - so the chances of finding an interacial relationship is very very slim for the majoirty, or course this site work for a couple of dozen out of how many? Melliot was just givening examples, but alot of people are very busy. think its true you be better off joining some social club than being on this site, or extending your social network and meeting new people - or just continue to live in hope and stay on this site lol

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  12.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    @ Africannubi You know your post really made me think. It's sad how a country like South Africa even with apartied, doesn't have as many issues that we have here in the states. I have a cousin who lives in Germany and she says all the time, "move out the states. Other countries and men of other cultures have far more respect and admiration for Black Women." Thank you for sharing it was a good read. @ Melliot Are you serious Starbucks? Let's be serious for a second. Take the average Black woman. She has worked all day, picked her kids up from school about 6pm, goes home and cooks dinner and bathes them, then has to review homework and get them in bed by 8:30pm to wake up and do it again. When is she going to go to Starbucks? Even during the day she may have a hour for lunch, but she rushing to get food and get back to work or she's like me and never takes lunch so will do the drive thru and eat and drive. I have been to the Majic Johnson's Starbucks here in LA and it is rediculously disgusting. There are lots of people there, often just hanging out in the parking lot (aka "Parking lot pimin'" or "flossing their rides"). The crowd that frequents that Starbucks are middle aged, Black buppies who are overly concerned with image and no substance. I went there for a poetry reading and it was so "ghetto rediculous" I had to leave. I couldn't even get in or out my car good without being grabbed, cat calls and other inappropriate things. The good and bad thing about Majic's businesses is that they are in poor Black neighborhoods. They do not welcome diversity, but they do expose our people to different things. If anyone is in LA, I highly recommend Lucy Florence Coffee Shop in Leimert Park. Lucy Florence has great readings, a calm atmosphere and a classier crowd. I do agree we need to get out more, but try community events. Black women love cultural fairs, walk a thons, flea markets and networking events. We are highly socially charged and love interacting with others in a comfortable environment. @ Yournicegirl I also read pumkin22's post in regards to black women and our feminity. I interpreted what she said totally different from what you have. She said "Still, I know black women aren’t perfect either, we have our aggression issues, however while I think “the angry black woman” may be a significant minority, they are not a rule." I'm sure you will agree that some of us are very angry and hostile. Hell I know I am! I chose to waste my whole life only dating Black men, thinking I had to be loyal and settle for less. The only thing that I got out of it was 2 great kids, heartche and put down. Even now I trip off Black men who don't want to date women with custody of their children, when they have walked away from their own. Hell yes I'm angry that so many of us have been left to bear the burden of holding down everything, when the men can walk away scotch free, drive their fancy cars, lie about not having children and continue to live the single life. Then we are foced to work (those of us who are fortunate to), raise kids and then get criticized by people. Do you know how many times people have asked me what's wrong with me or what did I do to get 2 of the worlds greatest deadbeat dads? Ok now I'm not mad anymore I got it all out. Here's the funny part, when I'm out with my kids and we are with my ex who happens to be white, do you know how many Black guys get mad that he holds my daughters hand or how many would go super far to test his man hood? @ Sweetsexy001 and Menizha Ladies don't give up stay positive. I suggest joing a singles group in your area. I joined one here in LA and it was alot of fun. They have dinner events, speed dating, lock and key parties, vacations and so much more. Being single suck, because it's boring and you may feel alone. Joining a singles group gets you out the house and exposes you to new people. Just don't leave this site. Sometimes you have to kiss a few toads before you find a prince. Although I am not a paid member, I can still blog, chat and respond to messages for free. The internet allows you to cast your rod far in hopes of reeling in a big one.

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  13.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    @ YourNiceGirl - Thank you so much for for your post dated 24 Nov 09. I've been saying for the longest that adopting other's people ideals and concepts of what man/womanhood is culturally destructive. We've been men and women long before our landing on these shores. We've raised and reared chldren longer than anybody on the planet and maintained solid families but yet some of us are crazy enough to think somebody elses way is better than out own. This is one of the things I take issue with in IR relationships, when people feel they have to water themselves down to be appealing to a mate from another ethnic group, damn that!!!!! YouNiceGirl thank you once again!

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  14.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    melliot ; IF you are seeking African American women in London , England , they will probably be British Ladies in Starbucks . Across the water in the Good old U.S.A. is where African American Ladies Live . Ladies stay online at this site / Believe it will Happen ask many others who gathered together here .

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  15.   YourNiceGirl says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    @melliot: LOL LMAO LOL repeat. OK, you got me dead to rights on the elusive spotting of the SBF (single black female). I never go to malls, though, but can be found even later than the hours you posted at Walmart! Church! Grocery Store! *However* I can regularly be found Starbucks in different locations as well as the mega-bookstores. Thank you for all your posts. I agree with them and was so glad that someone responded in that manner. @pumpkin22 I was saddened by some of your comments about *agressive* black women. I concur with melliot that you seem to be idealizing the Knights at the Roundtable mythology at the expense of how white European women were forced to live under a system that pretty much treated them like chattel. I would challenge you to reconsider your notions of *femininity*. Like the beauty aesthetic, the conqueror gets to define the concept. Were African women not "feminine" before being shipped here? As they worked in fields, served as Priestesses, female warriors, etc? Were they not desired my men of all races then? Hint: Ask the Portugese, and read about ancient Egyptian culture. In fact, the very qualities that have ensured our survival is now routinely vilified and clowned -- by us. It is sad. Of course, I am not talking about the extremes. I am talking about, say, a Michelle Obama who has to face that kind of talk about being an "Angry, Black Woman" because of her carriage, way of communicating and relationship style interacting with her husband. When we were emancipated from slavery, very kind Northern abolitionists via the Freedmen's Bureau set out to reprogram African women on "feminine ways" and there were actually courses teaching them how to embroider and make gingham curtains. As if, these women needed anyone to teach them how to be a "woman". We have to be careful in the wholesale adoption of hand-me-down social concepts. Having glimpsed the strength and resiliency of African women, white men of the time (even the well-meaning ones) knew they had a problem. Ever since then, we've been on a march to conform to a view of womanhood that weakens and diminishes everything we are. I have no problem in "letting a man be a man". I just demand that he accepts me being a women in all that that means as the strong African stock that runs through me deposited more abilities than making curtains.

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  16.   AfricanNubi says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    Hallo everyone. I'm a BLACK South African woman who has only dated white men. I must say I read every single comment posted here... why? Boredom, insight, call it whatever but I read them anyway, every single one…. I must say I'm shocked to see every comment refers back to race, race, race race!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guys I grew up in a small country called Swaziland just outside of South Africa even though I’m south African born. Do you know why? Well because of racism, apartheid and segregation. My parents had to take me to a place where they could give me a better life (in those days) than what we had in SA. I grew up with my mum telling me to never trust a white person especially a white man. You know why? Because of her personal past experience while growing up in an apartheid infested nation. Luckily I really didn’t have first hand experience as we left the country when I was too young to know anything. To cut my story short, even though my mum had warned against this so called ‘white race' I ended up marrying same...lol! Yep you heard me. But that was my choice no one else’s; I didn't let stats, race, culture or even my parents past experience influence my decision. I now have the most wonderful 'coloured' (meaning mixed in my country) 13yr old baby girl who means the world to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we all have choices. Make your choice and live with it. So what is I got divorced, was it because of the colour of my skin being married to a white man. Do I blame the colour of our different skins for it or different culture? Hell nooooo!! People grow apart no matter what colour skin they are. It happened to me and my ex and it happens everyday between couples of same colour, religion, culture etc. So guys lest just have fun and lets stop pointing fingers.

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  17.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    $5.00 a cup for coffee at Starbucks / Maxwell house 34.5 oz. at Dollar general $6.00 , I brew my own and drink it Black . Well water without chlorine makes better coffee anyways . This will last me a month or more / so have money to burn , Hehe .

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  18.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    I find it Strange to read a Blackman telling Blackwoman how to find a Whiteman . People are Strange / Ain't no Fool like an old fool , Hehe LOL .

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  19.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    takinitall ; Happy that you have found a man with Intelligence enough to know how to Properly Court a Ladie / you sure enough don't need others advice on how " Real Men " take care of their Response abilities as far as Money matters go . Best of Luck

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  20.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    melliot ; you separate women in the malls by color / I met my wife on this site. We came together because of an online dating site / this is where it is at . Out in the real world / I believe a Kind Smile and Howdy or How are you doing will be the Proper introduction Approach . Believe it or Knot / Women with the Beauty they show in Public , will never need a Man's advice on how to find a Man . Same as all of your History lessons / at a dating site / Today is the Day to Find Love , Knot yesterday in the stories told in Books . My God , man Ladies on these computers already know about History as the mind is a terrible thing to Waste . They are members here looking forward to tomorrow / not seeling what was yesterday . We were successful in Our search because / We seeked the Future ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

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  21.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    It really makes me sad that after so many years have gone by since the time of slavery and there are still so many racial issues going on. So many have lost their lives for all of us to be free not because of the color of our skins but because we are free people. We all have free will. It doesnt matter whats published to say how we should or shouldnt act, talk, walk, or think. The bottom line is that we are all human being and have a choice in the matter in which we live our lives. Thoses choices are things we decide that will make us happy. There are no wrongs or right in that area, just what is best for the individual. If some would stop thinking that everyone should live by what someone else thinks or writes, then everyone would be a lot happier. What gives anyone the right to tell someone that they are wrong for the whom or what the person looks like that they desire to have in their life? What makes it truth just because someone says or writes it, about how we should feel about culture or race? Love is blind...desire is blind.So, if we meet someone who is not the same as us, then does it mean that we should not act on it because they arent the same as we are? The Lord gave our brains the ability to have free will. We are all his children and therefore the same beings in his eyes. I'm so sorry, It was not my intention to preach, but I have had enough of black men having an issue if a black woman wants to be with someone other than a black man. The worse thing is that they will date, marry and mess around with a white woman quicker than we can blink our eyes. Now tell me why is it so wrong if a black woman wants to date, marry, or both, outside our own culture? I dont get it!...lol. I have so much passion about things that I really care about or believe in. They just dont understand that we just want to be happy just like they do. Dont get me wrong, I dont like to point fingers, but I felt it needed to be said. Why do our desires and attraction need to be measure by what someone else thinks? Dont we have the option to be with whom we choose? Why is it so hard for black men to let go of trying to tell us what we should be thinking, feelng, or wanting? Dont get what I said wrong, I by all means dont hate men...lol. I love every thing there is about the interacting between a man and woman. I just think anyone should be free to be with whomever they want.I've always been the sort of person to listen to advice but I've never ever let anyone change the way I feel about doing something if I really want to do it. I've had the experience with a black man I didnt known approaching me because I was out with a white male. Actually, I've had more than one experience with that kind of thing. The funny thing is that he didnt act negative toward the guy. He was very polite but when he turned his attention toward me it was a different story. He proceeded to tell me that I was confused and a traitor to my race, and that I have a real problem with not getting a brother.Wow!!! I was so surprised and I started to laugh at him because I wasnt sure what made him feel that he had the right to come over and tell me. I didnt know him. I was so-ooo angry!! The guy I was with started to say something to him about it but I asked him please dont idiots dont deserve a response so we left. Now, tell me if I'm wrong but Where in the manual does it say that a black man is a black woman's keeper....lol. I guess its just an unwritten law....lol. I would love to see it happen when that law is no longer thought of written or unwritten. Its like men dont take black women serious no matter the culture. What can we(black women) as a whole do to change this? I'm a very independent woman and I can live without a man, but I want to find a man that I cant live without.Of course I want to date and get to know him first and then see what happens after that. Rome wasnt built in a day and neither will something that is worth working for. It just seems like the important stuff never is...lol.

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  22.   melliot says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 09

    Pumpkin22, I would agree with you that indeed their use to be a difference in cultural norms derived by seperation of races in America. However times have changes,America is becomming smaller, and cultures are blending. By this I mean that neighborhoods public schools, college campuses working enviorments and even churhes are more diverse than ever before in America. Significant cultural differences is a thing of the past to be put on the bookshelf where dust settles. Being from Florida I can personally attest to living in predominately African America, Hispanic, and lastly European America neighborhoods. I to know something about observation of different cultures in their natural habitats. First I will say that men of all cultures are all the same. Some men will go about their objective in different ways. To assume that just because someone doe snot do something to your face they arent doing it behind you back is a fallacy in itself. Men are men and locker room talk is locker room talk whether it is on the streets or in private. To assume fromy our limited experiences that only black men yell out in the streets at women is simply an inaccurate statement. Go to NYC and tour some of the historical Italian, Irish, German, ect... buroughs in the summer. My European American brothers will shout you down in the streets the same as my African America and Latino brothers will. Consider this for one min if you may. A an taking the time to admire a beautiful woman rossing his path is in its purest content a compliment to the woman and how she caries herself. That men might stop a conversation, work or stop dead in the path to admire a woman beauty is a compliment to the woman who's glow has made this man simply forget what he was doing, suppose to do or might need to do in order to take a chance and admire or approach a woman. Insstead of taking such an overt action by a man as a insult why not embrace the compliment to your beauty as simple adoration. Now to address you next point regarding Black men ignoring you. Black women listen up because even though I am half way around the world in London for a bit I can honestly say your playbook has been exported across the world. I am a starbucks junkie and so are a lot of other men. I use starbucks as an example because Starbucks is a lot more than a $5 cup of coffee. Starbucks represent a social space where one can frequently bump into others more specifically the opposite sex. The rub of Why starbucks is because of the relaxing atmosphere it provides for the casual conversation to begin amongst strangers.Whether you take your laptop, book to read, or paperwork to finish into a starbuck single men of all races are waiting or on their way to your local Starbucks 24 hrs a day 7 days a week to meet you lol. That being said I have to make a significant point. Black Women where are you? My European American brothers might agree with me that we rarely see you out or cross your path unless it is work, the tube (subway), or at a club or bar at the end of the week. We see women of other races and cultures, but you guys are invisible during the week and sometimes during the weekedays. Here is how bad it is. Majic Johnson opens up Starbucks in low income minority neighborhoods in effrots to revitalize communities. I have been to quite a number of these Starbucks several times located dead in the center of all Black neighborhoods. I found lots of European American men and women, Lots of Black, Hispanic, and Asian mean and women, but only a rare pop in by Black Women. The same with the gyms, wine bars, Amerian Pubs, bookstores, internet cafes, and others spots that promote socialization. My African American sisters where are you. Here is what I have heard before from Black women regarding their in-house self confinement " I am to tired after work to do anything during the week" "I am only free on weekends mainly fri or sat" "I dont like my face to be seen out that much" " I cant go anywhere without my girlfriends" "I was going to go but I am too tired now" " I dont go anywhere unless my hair and nails are on point" " I never been there so I wont go alone without my girls" "My car is tired it needs to rest for a few days" the list goes on ladies. African American Women whatever type of men you want to meet you cant meet anyone if you just going to work and at home and to the same club once a week on fri or sat. You have to mix it up a bit. Throw in an art exibition, jazz club, book reading, or some other function mid-week. Join the gym or learn or take on a new social hobby. The point is you cant meet men if your sitting at home with your same schedule planned forever. So now you migh ask why Black men might holler in the streets when they see a Black woman? Perhaps to many of those men they figure they wont see you again for another 10 weeks so why not lay it all out there. When you have nothing to lose you might as well put yourself ut there. Why might European American men act more reserved when encountering women. Simple European Amerian women as do women of other races and cultures are out int he public more often so naturally European Amerian men have a much greater experience interacting in social enviorments with women. Sadly no partiular race has muh experience interacting with African Amerian women beause we never see them and when we do they move in and out fo the public eyes so fast we have just enough time to catch a glimpse like spotting a UFO no man beleives another man when they say they spotted a Black woman because uch spottings are so rare. I would gather that I enounter more nearly extinct American Eagles in a day than Black women in public. So where can one encounter Black women in public during the weekdays. Here my European and Black brothers are some suggestions. The mall around 12:00-4:00. There have been reporting of numerous sightings of Black women at the mall during these hours shopping. The mall is empty and many Black women on their lunch breaks or day off have been reported to frequent the mall at this time for shopping while the mall is virtually empty. Approach with caution as going to an empty mall might mean they do not wish to be bothered until their fri or sat social club days. The Walmart between 8pm-1am is also another great spot to trak down black women. Reports show that Black women again like to shop late during the weekdays after work when walmart might be empty and some reports have claimed a title of club walmart being added to the large quantity of sisters shopping late on the weekdays. Again approach with caution as you never want to come between a woman and her shopping. Lastly a great place to track down blak women on the weekdays is a weekly bible study for church or wed single ministry. Reports from the front line show that Black women are open being approached in church during the week after bible study for a meal. However men I strongly urge you never ever approach a black woman in church after Sunday church service for her number or a date on the first meeting. There is a unwritten code amongst them that Church on Sunday to many black women is an inappropiate spot for romance so tread light and easy. Wait for a church event outside and far away from the church or a picnic then ask her out. In conclusion Black women get out the house more on the weekdays so other men know you exist and can find you rememeber the more interaction men have with women the more we learn to understand each other and the less we butt heads or disrespect another. Takinittall I will address the money issue in my next post because your post really did get me thinking about spending and what it means to women.

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  23.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 09

    ohh @tlnwhite; I really think your interpretation of my description of Bay Ridge having racist overtones says more about u than it does me. Why do you even have to know what the racial makeup of the city is anyway? I've never been concerned about that the entire time I lived there although some area were obvious in demographic makeup. But really, who cares? I found that map because I do things like that all day so it took maybe 10 secs and mostly because I hate a negative Nelly in forums it brings everyone down:) U have even "white" in2 your username(uh yeh we can see your pic?) which would further underscore some issues on your part like that's supposed to be your most important or outstanding feature. Of course w/out more information I could only provide a most general impression. But its not good:) I hope u r not here for a partner w/ that angry attitude. I wouldn't even hire u as a plumber LOL Bk to Bayridge(do I have to? ahh heck let me throw Bensonhurst in there 2 at which u will certainly take offense) But just because you are of a certain ethnic group doesn't mean u have 2 behave as a walking/talking stereotype of that group. Someone pointing out that you do does NOT mean they are racist. Try to think about that for a moment instead of a knee-jerk reaction. That's why I said what I said about that neighborhood. They most certainly behaved towards me as if they were following a script from the movie. The houses were nice though:) I felt the same about Bensonhurst, especially after a friend of mine who grew up there talked me into going to a "neighborhood" bar. It was called Hobnails and the place almost came off its foundation having a "hot blk chk" in there! There was a line of guys to hit on me and a line of women to kill me! I couldn't get out of there fast enough. As far as a racial bias, I have enough very close friends of Italian-American origin to know their behavior was ridiculous. Why do u think they made a movie about it?! My friends from "the city" wouldn't even visit me in Bay Ridge and not because of their ethnicity, there's obviously something in the water out there:) "Youse wanna go down to da peyahh?" (For those not fluent, that's Bensonhurst vernacular for "do you want to go park at the piers on 86th st and make out?" R u kidding me? Ok, I will cop to being a Manhattan snob but that's it. Heal thyself, and start w/ that username LOL...

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  24.   menizha says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 09

    It's me again I notice at the top of my page I said I was unattractive I noticed a spelling out not unattractive I am attractive. Okay

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  25.   menizha says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 09

    Let me tell you about my experience unattractive black woman, and I am attracted to white man I look very good for my age, but it seems to me that there are a lot of white males don't know what they want the evil want a black woman for a flame on the side, at least that's what I ran into. Or I get white males that are my age bracket if they're in a 50s they look like they're pushing 60 or 70s and that is very disappointing to me. There are a lot of us black women out there that I'm looking for white males but 90% of March honest, for once in my life I would like to meet a handsome intelligent clean-cut white male that knows what he wants, or knows how to respect a black woman this is the new millennium, that so-called expression jungle fever seems to be still and with white males from my experience, I have been there and done that so come on guys stop playing with this fantasy. You need to be bold like white women white women are scared to date black men or any other man out of their race. So why does it seem that when I finally beat a handsome white male that has its act together the Army has someone in his life he just wants a little fling on a side. But the one thing they say is they find black woman very attractive and intelligent but they don't give us the respect that we are do!!!!!! this is the reason why I joined this site and I have been very disappointed and I've been on this site for quite some time all I want is to know what love is and how to be loved. And given up hope and I know out there in the Manchester New England area this guy to be somebody out there that are not all into these head games this applies to all those white males out there that are supposed to be into black women but you just want a flame I feel like you wasted my time and my money and for those of you that sent pictures of yourself really don't look like you were we meet in person sent the real Thing where are those handsome clean-cut intelligent fun loving man do they exist or we black women are wasting our time.

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  26.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    Let me ask a question; like many of the SBF I to have recieved messages from SBM. My experience has been yes they find me attractive and want a physical interaction, but will they marry me? Simplified translation, yes they will f**k me and have no problem letting it be known, but they will not commit. Ladies stop selling yourselves short and open your mind up. Not saying SWM are better, but the approach is different and so is the interaction. I am currently dating someone I met here, who happens to be white and am enjoying it. He is far more attentive, nurturing and supportive than any SBM I have ever dated. When we go out he pays for the baby sitter, gas and dinner. I have never had any SBM even offer to pay for child care without thinking I'm a goldigger, he's captain save a hoe or owe him something. I don't know if this guy will be my husband, but he definitely is a great man and acting like one. Step your game up, stop looking for the finest guy, with the big Lexus, 10 kids and live with his momma. If a guy wants you he will act like it. I'm sure there are some good SBM, but I haven't dated one or met one who wasn't married.

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  27.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    I decided to do a statistical data for STATE: NEW YORK (exact number for week 20/11/2009, active over the last month This meant to be an interracial dating site but look at the numbers MALE AGED GROUP: 21 - 30 ASIAN: 9 BLACK MALES: non-African: 82 INDIAN:8 Latino / Hispanic: 10 Native American:11 BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT: 55 White / European descent: 82 Islander: 15 Mixed / Multi: 40 Other: 13 MALE AGED GROUP: 31 – 40 ASIAN: 3 BLACK MALES: non-African: 133 INDIAN:10 Latino / Hispanic: 12 Native American:17 BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT: 103 White / European descent: 119 Islander: 22 Mixed / Multi: 48 Other: 16 MALE AGED GROUP 41 – 50 Asian: 1 INDIAN: 6 Black / Non-African descent: 71 Latino / Hispanic: 4 Native American : 9 Black / African descent: 59 White / European descent: 105 Islander: 4 Mixed / Multi: 25 Other : 3 MALE AGED GROUP 51-60 Asian: 1 INDIAN: 2 Black / Non-African descent: 28 Latino / Hispanic:4 Native American : 8 Black / African descent: 19 White / European descent: 63 Islander: 0 Mixed / Multi: 7 Other : 2 WOMEN AGED GROUP 21-30 Asian 5 INDIAN : 8 Black / Non-African descent: 191 Latino / Hispanic 21 Native American : 19 Black / African descent:132 White / European descent: 55 Islander: 39 Mixed / Multi: 49 Other : 23 WOMEN AGED GROUP 31- 40 ASIAN 1 INDIAN 7 Black / Non-African descent: 165 Latino / Hispanic 20 Native American: 12 Black / African descent: 102 White / European descent: 70 Islander: 23 Mixed / Multi: 48 Other : 17 WOMEN AGED GROUP 41 – 50 ASIAN 2 INDIAN 1 Black / Non-African descent: 74 Latino / Hispanic 9 Native American : 13 Black / African descent: 63 White / European descent: 39 Islander: 4 Mixed / Multi: 27 Other : 8 WOMEN AGED GROUP 51 – 60 ASIAN 0 INDIAN 0 Black / Non-African descent: 12 Latino / Hispanic 4 Native American : 5 Black / African descent: 18 White / European descent: 18 Islander: 1 Mixed / Multi: 3 Other: 2 MALE PERCENTAGES = ETHNIC GORUP ASIAN: 14 1.1% BLACK MALES: non-African: 314 26.00% INDIAN:26 2.1% Latino / Hispanic: 30 2.4% Native American:45 3.7% BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT: 236 19% White / European descent: 369 30% Islander: 41 3.3% Mixed / Multi: 120 9.8% Other: 34 2.8% TOTAL 1229 WOMEN PERCENTAGE ETHNIC GROUP Asian 8 0.61% INDIAN : 16 1.22% Black / Non-African descent: 442 33.7% Latino / Hispanic 54 4.12% Native American : 49 3.74% Black / African descent:315 24.00% White / European descent: 182 13.9% Islander: 67 5.11% Mixed / Multi: 127 9.69% Other : 50 3.82% TOTAL 1310 Imagine every black women on this site in New York is seeking purely a white man. Women Black African and black non African descent and islander combined say 70% all seeking Males White / European descent around 30% . Imagine every black man on this site in New York seeking white women Women White around say 25% Male Black African and black no African/Islander combine to 75%

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  28.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    @ceryndipity, Also, there is a big difference between detesting certain cultural norms and hating the people themselves. As a spiritual person and a Christian, I feel we all come from the same source and are in the end-family. That's where my self-esteem comes from.

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  29.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    @ceryndipity, I want to apologize for my patronizing tone in my last post. I guess I was reacting to my impression that you were implying that I have self-hate issues here. That and 'shaming' are a couple of the tactics, I've noticed some black people to use to keep those of us who exclusively prefer another race in line. The thing is, while I have my preference and am happy to explain why I feel the way I do, in no way will I put someone else down who makes different choices for his/her life, especially if I see that they're living peaceful, well- adjusted lives. As far as my preference is concerned, let me give you an analogy. I'm not attracted to other women either, at least not in the romantic sense. Does that mean I hate women or hate myself? Not at all. At this point, I am instinctively physically attracted to people who are a counterpart to what I see in the mirror. And personality-wise, I'm attracted to men who have that uncanny ability to treat me as their intellectual equal while making me feel like a woman.

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  30.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    @melliot, Let me start off by saying I like you, not necessarily romantically, but as a worthy debating opponent! You seem like one of those folks I could have fun debating with late into the night. I also appreciate your grasp of history and the fact that you gave your post so much thought. At the same time, let me clear up a few things. It was never my intention to give a treatise on the whole of history. I only brought up those aspects of history as they relate to current cultural norms of Americans of Western European and African descent. When you say my contention that white American culture has maintained a tradition of chivalry towards women and you say there is "absolutely no factual basis to it" and that I need to get away from the "romance novels", I think you are making some huge and inaccurate assumptions here. Actually, you reminded me of first led me to look at white men in a different light. I was a young college student at the time and was feeling my usual frustration that I wasn't attracting the quality black guys that I wanted. As a psychology student, I was already very interested in human behavior and what drives people to do what they do so I would read up on studies. I actually came across a study comparing white and black males on their sense of romance. It turned out that white males scored much higher on the romance indicator. Though I contined to date exclusively black for the next eight years or so, that study did give me pause as I considered my own experiences. The white guys I encountered in class didn't really to demonstrate the extremes that I saw with too many black guys. Their behaviors usually fell into the following categories -totally ignoring me, treating me like an animal when I walked in the streets("p-s-s-s-t!"), or assuming they were smarter/better than me, trying to condescend to me and put me in my proper place. (Of course, there are exceptions. I know a few black guys then and now whom I think are very cool people.) On the other hand, though I wasn't attracted to them at the time, the white males in my classes didn't put on any airs either way. They just treated me like a regular person. Still, as you correctly said, that was my experience. And I was loathe to make any sweeping generalizations about the distinct chavinistic/misogynist qualities of black male culture unless it was borne out of CONTINUAL experience of myself and others. Still, I know black women aren't perfect either, we have our aggression issues, however while I think "the angry black woman" may be a significant minority, they are not a rule. And for the record, I've never read a romance novel in my life. I prefer reality.

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  31.   melliot says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    Pumpkin I do understand your ideals, but I urge you to consider that history is written by the conqueror. Therfore, when gathering a view of a community historically you need to look at both sides the side of the conqueror and the conquered or colonized. Now you speak of these mythological ideals of chilvary espoused in the European commuunity, yet you completely skip over the femenist movement in which women were not allowed to work, own property, or even have bank accountsin western society. In contrast within the Islamic culture of the middle east the prophet Mohammed’s wife was know as a shrewd business woman who owend several businesses as did virtually all islamic women long before western culture even evolved. Within Judaism which is also a culture of the east women worked oftentimes harder than men in several feilds for example the buying and selling produce on the open market and investing they were stock brokers of their days while their men farmed and tilled the soil in the feilds their wives used heir minds to invest capitol. In Asian culture women have always played a significant role in business and in African traditional culture it is the woman not the man who would take the crops and bargain and women are held to be the wise mothers of the community whom everyone listens to. Lets not forget that during slavery African American women were considered to be the strong glue that held the group of plantations slaves together and oftentimes kept men slaves from doing something whih might have them killed. In essennce women in all of the cultures were in-fat the de-facto leaders of the households and men are in many cases second in command. I would urge you to wach a rather hilarious documentary done about the women of Iran in which they ofen divorce their husbands and marry other men at the blink of an eye leaving their poor husbands crying and begging for them to come back. Furthermore you must rememeber that it is women in the middle east not men who enforce the wearing of clothing that cover the body and the hair or face. Women decide on the dress guidelines and even tell their men what time they need to be home. That is not to say that women ar enot victims of domestic abuse in those societies like American women, but a signifiant difference in their socities is the whole faily will track you donw if you lay your hands on their female family member. That being said we would all like to beleive that the European pilgrims got off the ships and lived side by side in peace with the Native Americans in peace but that is simply not true. Rape murder, slavery and ethnic cleansing by European men were frequent tools used to expand Europes seeding of territory in early America. We would all like to beleive that the savage Africans as depited in Tarzan were starving in the jungle and depressed until one day men from Europe arrived and offered the depressed African men and women free cruises to America and jobs with subsidized housing when they arrived, however the reality was millions of Africans were stripped away from their villages, women and little boys and girls were raped, afrians were beaten starved, tortured and often cast with weighted chains into the sea when slave ships overestimated their cargo rations. We would all like to beleive that the Thomas Jefferson and Sallie Hennings love story story was the norm for European and African sexual encounters during slavery in America, but sadly rape of black women and children by overseers, slave masters, or guest of the plantations owners who needed what they referred to as a slave wenh bed warmer was a normal occurene during the period. In contrast we would all like to beleive that Shaka Zulu was anoble African prince who expanded the Zulu nation aross Africa and set up trades routes, military universitites, and United Southern Afria under one empire creating honorable men and women, but sadly Shaka Zulu was nothing more than a blood thirsty genocidal maniac who sought the ethnically cleanse South Africa of any Africans who were not of the Zulu tribe through rape and mass executions oftntimes through impaling thousands of men, women, and children at one time. Shacka was boderline Hitler before their was a Hitler, but again he who writes history determines how the story will be told. Shaka today is represented in Africa as a hero and one of the great kings of Africa. In contrast we would all like to beleive the great stories that the American Indians were a peaceful people living in perfect harmony of the land, but long before Europeans ever arrived tribal wars and anihilation of villages were a frequent occurence. Lastly we would all like to beleive in the chilvary of Alexander conquest to bring civilization to the heathen and savage people of the Babelonian empire who's city had indoor plumbing, air condition created by a a hydroelectric system, and massive trade routes. However the truth is Alexander in a onquest to gain fame among the Greeks set out to conquer, rape, pillage, and enslave people from North Africa all the way to Asia. Lastly Ghengis Khan was also a chilvarious person in his also genocidial conquest across Asia and parts of Europe. Oh and lets not forget Romes policy of slavery or burn your village to the gorund and execute everyone. This all being said history is written by those who control the medium to exploit it. Your impressions of European men being grounded in this mythical chivalry is straight out of a Charlotte Bronson classical novel, but has absolutely not factual basis behind it. If the invention of the porn industry, organized prostitution escort services, date rape drugs, and girls gone wild is putting women on a pedestal then I honestly would like to know where your base to this pedestal is. Similarly, black men are in no better position with the exploitation of women in music videos and their outward denigration of women through their music and speech, selling of drugs to pregnant women, prostitution, ect. Men no matter what race exploit women. You have confused what you have read in romance novels and watched on tv with reality. Perhaps putting down you classical novels and examining history through an accurate lens instead of one which is bias might clear your misperception that only men of European descent were grounded in chivalry roots. Now lets talk some reality. You live in Naples Florida which is know as a huge drug corridor in Florida. You happen to be located in a place where many Black men have a better chance of getting life in prison than finishing high school. Naples is a violent area which is largely know for the violent black on black crime. It would seem to me that men born into a hostile environment would tend to be a product of their environment without proper guidance to stay clear of such nonsense. Just like black women raised in such environments might become a product of such an environment. I dare not say without having met you that you like many black women in Naples have gold teeth, pink or green hair, 3 kids by different men all of whom are drug dealers in prison and are on welfare and act hostile if asked a simple question. I dare not say that because I wont group you are many woman into a box based on a stereotype of a culture which is simply not true. But if I followed your logic about what is grounded in the culture of Naples, Florida black population then the culture as perceived by the media would say it is full of ghetto ignorant welfare black women . The culture would also say that these women of African descent in Naples, Florida are not culturally grounded in being faithful partners to their men nor do the Black women of Naples look for honest hard working men. Instead the black women of Naples are culturally grounded in seeking out male partners who operate in the illegal narcotics activity. Whereas the white women of Naples are more grounded in the chivalry and romanticism culture and know how to respect and take care of their men and educate themselves to get good jobs to contribute to the household. To express and truly believe such an opinion about black men would also mean that you would have to confront at large the depiction of black women and their culture in Florida and accept those cultural groundings as being factual. Or you can choose to say people are individuals and every culture has good and bad people within it regarding their treatment of women and that to this date in the world every race and culture has been deplorable in the history regarding the treatment of women. Secondly, you can analyze the difference between what people write and what the reality really is surrounding a historical event or period. Regarding your inaccurate depiction of Jewish men once again you have taken a personal experience and applied it to the whole. As a Jew I see no difference in their treatment of women than any other race but because you had a few good experiences with Jewish men you have put them in the acceptable category. The fallacy of your logic is what happens when you have a string of bad experiences with White or Jewish men will you then cut them off and make stereotypical comments to apply to all Jewish or White men or do you only apply stereotypical comments to ethnic groups that are non-European or Jewish? Be consistent!

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  32.   talnwhite1 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    Ahh Whurr..I thought we could have an intelligent discussion but all you libs always start with the name calling. So,you misguided self hating filled, misguided liberal bigot that you are. Again, buy some glasses chump. Maybe you can get some government "spend" money from all of the gov't websites that you are a self proclaimed "pro" at networking. Because again, you are just simply wrong. As for the other woman's comment about Bayridge Brookln being like Saturday Night Fever plus additional comments... I find that sort of language full of racist overtones. Are you referring to the whites or Italians specifically when you made that comment? Funny how the self-proclaimed "tolerant" and "openminded" people with the highest degrees of education with advanced verbal skills etc. make the most offensive commments.

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  33.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 09

    I DID A MINI SURVEY ON THE UK SIDE OF MEMBERS ACCORDING TO AGE GROUP AND ETHNIC GROUP CURRENTLY ON THIS SITE THAT HAVE LOGGED IN OVER THE LAST MONTH. I was just interested in the numbers according to ethnic group, age and gendeR. The numbers where all rounded up unless under 10. Did custom searches, there are 10 profiles per pages times the number of pages until the last page with profiles titled “online within the last month. This is also only just people with main and public photos. And some people tick that their more than one ethnicity. Some may have tick the wrong ethnicity. Does not include anyone who has hidden their profile etc / does not have pictures, has not logged into this site within the last month. THE ACTUAL NUMBERS MALE AGED GROUP: 25 - 30 BLACK MALES: non-African: 40 BLACK MALES: African descent: 50 ASIAN: 1 INDIAN 3 Latino / Hispanic 3 Native American 5 WHITE EUROPEAN DESCENT 60 Islander 2 Mixed 20 Other 1 MALE AGED GROUP: 31 – 40 ASIAN: 20 BLACK MALES: non-African: 130 INDIAN: 20 Latino / Hispanic: 10 BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT: 170 White / European descent: 180 Islander: 1 Mixed / Multi: 30 Other: 8 MALE AGED GROUP 41 – 50 Asian: 1 INDIAN: 6 Black / Non-African descent: 110 Latino / Hispanic: 0 Native American : 2 Black / African descent: 60 White / European descent: 220 Islander: 2 Mixed / Multi: 15 Other : 10 WOMEN AGED GROUP 25-30 Asian 10 INDIAN 5 Black / Non-African descent: 50 Latino / Hispanic 0 Native American : 4 Black / African descent: 80 White / European descent: 60 Islander: 2 Mixed / Multi: 20 Other : 10 WOMEN AGED GROUP 31- 40 ASIAN 0 INDIAN 5 Black / Non-African descent: 120 Latino / Hispanic 1 Native American: 0 Black / African descent: 130 White / European descent: 140 Islander: 2 Mixed / Multi: 30 Other : 10 WOMEN AGED GROUP 41 – 50 ASIAN 5 INDIAN 0 Black / Non-African descent: 90 Latino / Hispanic 0 Native American : 1 Black / African descent: 70 White / European descent: 140 Islander: 1 Mixed / Multi: 20 Other : 10 PERCENTAGE ACCORDING TO ETHNIC GROUP on the UK side of this site: MALE AGED GROUP 25 – 50 ASIAN: 1.86% INDIAN: 2.46% Black / Non-African descent: 23.70% Latino / Hispanic: 1.10% Native American 0.59% BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT: 23.70 % WHITE EUROPEAN DESCENT 39.00% Islander: 0.42% Mixed / Multi: 5.51% Other : 1.61% Total 100.00 WOMEN AGED GROUP 25-50 Asian 1.48% INDIAN 0.98% Black / Non-African descent: 25.6% Latino / Hispanic 0.1% Native American : 0.49% Black / African descent: 27.6% White / European descent: 33.5% Islander: 0.49% Mixed / Multi: 6.89% Other : 2.95% 0% Total 100% SIMPLIFIED MALES AGED GROUP 25-50 BLACK AFRICAN DESCENT AND Black / Non-African descent: 54.9 % WHITE EUROPEAN DESCENT 45.01% WOMEN AGED GROUP 25-50 Black / Non-African descent AND Black / African descent: 61.4% White/European descent:38.6%

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  34.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 09

    Just a few words ; in response to life in General . It is all Pink on the inside if a Man gets close enough to Look . Enjoy , spoken by a Cunning-Linguist . Men regardless of Heritage are all built as Individuals / we have feelings also . Some are just Larger than others . Spoken by a man who is Spoken for . Illusions of being Better at anything just by color coding is a Farce . Experience , Effort and the willingness to Pleasure mean alot . Got to give 100% / if you wish to receive 100% . I might knot always be correct / alas I shall always be me and I no longer sleep alone , I must have done something Right . Hehe Hoho LOL , life is to Enjoy / We do . Chocolate and Vanilla swirl at it's Best . Each and everyone of us / If a garden is to grow two hands must pull the unwanted vegetation . You gotta know the prettiest thing about my wife is Knot the color of her soft skin / it is the Fact that she tells me she Loves me Many times Everyday . The mind is a terrible thing to waste on thoughts of how it could have been / get out and experience how it is Today looking Forward to Tomorrow .

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  35.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 09

    Also, Online dating doesn't work for most women regardless of your ethnicity or which dating site you are on. RACE - there is only one race interracial - isn't really a popular term using in Britain to describe an relationship between - as someone said before with DNA crosses over so many ethnically. This could even go further, Racial characteristics, if two people have two same shades of brown skin, similar racial features but one is Indian the other is African- American are they still in a interracial relationship based on the word racial. I heard Britain use the term Intercultural relationship/ Inter ethnic relationship. Interracial isn't as popular term across the world as you may think - if I just saw the title skip through the first pages, scanned through who online pages, looks at the responses on these blog and was just looking for a partner i would think this is a black dating website.

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  36.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 09

    Statistics are never reliable especially when just choose to pick one factor and ignore a number of other factors. For example, the lack of response could be for a variety of reasons, message length, message content, proper grammar, compatibility %, age, location, attractiveness, religion, height, weight, etc etc etc. which may or may not be racially correlated as some people have pointed out, and those missing factors are likely to be cultural/ (amused) social class, status and not racial per se. The survey numbers shows clear imbalance between numbers of respondents according to their ethnic group. In one of the surveys quoted, the number of respondents between white/ Black is very very different. approx Black Female 20,090 and Black Male 27,310 responded compared to White Female 287,100 and White Male 461,190 Logically there is over 10 times the amount of white women compared to black women on that site/ who answered to that survey. There is 16 times the amount of white men compared to black men on that site. All the other ethnicity listed are all at a much smaller amount. I personally don’t think the data is very reliable. Also, the fact is the majority of females on this site is black. So black men may join this site hoping to find a white women only to find black women, send a flirt/ message but forget what he put in his profile as a preference. I also think those who get the largest flirts/messages are white on this site because the % may be very unbalanced.

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  37.   lightangel1 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 09

    I very much enjoyed all the discussants who have posted on this topic. But alas! I suggest that all read the book: The Race Myth: Why we pretend RACE exists in America. Joseph L. Graves, Jr. Here is what is written on the back cover of the book. "DOES RACE AS WE KNOW IT REALLY EXIST? Preeminent evolutionary biologist Joseph Graves proves once and for all that it dosen't. Through accessible and compelling language, he makes the provocative argument that science cannot account for the radical categories used to classify people and debunks ancient race-related fallacies that are still held as fact, from damaging medical profiles to misconceptions about sports. He explains why defining race according to skin tone or eye shape is woefully inaccurate, and how making assumptions based on these false categories regarding IQ, behaviour, or predisposition to disease has devasting effects. Demonstrating that racial distinctions are in fact SOCIAL INVENTIONS, not biological truths, The Race Myth brings much-needed, sound science to one of America's most emotionally charged debates". More salient information: A female geneticist who worked on the human genome project indicates that there is LESS THAN 1 TENTH of 1 percent genetic difference between one human and another. We are genetically 99.99999999% (conintuing to infinity) the same. The 1 tenth of 1 percent difference gets way too much attention in my humble opinion. We all have needs (love, belonging, respect, validation, food, clothing, shelter, procreation, varitey, self-realization, connection with self and others and connection with a higher source, etc.) We seek to get these needs met in a varitey of ways, one of which is relationships with others. As such, I am free (and I trust you are also) to seek out relationships with anyone who is human because the myth of race is not a factor for me. NEEDS (meeting the needs of others and meeting my needs) are the major driver. And I suspect that if you really examine why you feel you want to be in a relationship (no matter what the melanin content of someone's skin) it really is because of NEEDS. So for all of you that can grasp this, as Clark Gable said in the movie Run Silent, Run Deep, "damn the torpedos, full speed ahead." The torpedos of course are those beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of some humans who would have you believe that due to the melanin (or lack thereof) content of your skin and the culture or subculture you were raised in, that you are 99% different than other humans and not in fact 99.99% the same as all other humans. For me, I choose to focus on the 99.99%. Namaste!

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  38.   oldschool56 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 09

    @okherewego No only that they are on a SINGLES dating site and a lot of them are married. They want to experience the black or non-white woman if you will because its something they have always wanted to do but were to scared to do so. I found one guy. Who admitted he was married and looking for a once a week thing with a black woman. He is in a loveless marriage he says. It boggles my mind that men who would normally date white women, want to do non-white women only they want it behind closed doors. @sweetsexy, Amen to that. They do read the profiles so they know just what to say to attract you. And they never ever respond with more than just a line or two in the emails that are sent. If they say the have never dated a woman of color then they are bad news. We are women and the only difference is we are of color. White women have different personalities, some timid, some aggressive, etc. We are the same only there is color to our skin. So why they would say stupid things like that is beyond me. But there are men out there with the intelligence God gave them and they know how to actually court a woman no matter what race she is. I know they are here,...uhhhhh...somewhere,...with a profile with pics! And they dont have all the stupid excuses as to why they dont take the time to fill out a decent profile.

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  39.   okherewego says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 09

    I am on an interracial dating site to date not "my own". However, I find it very interesting to receive messages from black men even though my profile says exactly what I'm looking for. What's even more interesting is that their profiles say they are looking for non-black women. I'm wondering why they are sending me messages. Ummm...Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being on an interracial dating site.

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  40.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 09

    32Bookworm I know where you are coming from about some of the white guys being here for an experience with a black woman. I too have been approached by men who say they are looking to date and find a relationship in their profile. I get the nice message that says I would like to get to know you better or I would like to know more about you.We chat back and forth on here to get to know each other a little. Then, when We finally exchange emails because he seems like a nice guy and it makes it easier to communicate, he changes to a different zone. At that time he either wants to play online or meet for a sexual encounter. Now what is wrong with this? Well I find that they read my profile and learn the things to say to attract me in hopes that I will fall into their way of thinking.Its always the same thing."Ive always dreamed of being with a black woman, so can you help me out?" The funny part is that I say in my profile that I'm looking for something so different to what I'm approached with...lol.Why do I stay? Well I'm still hoping that one day a real man will come along and leave the games behind. Wow kind of defeated the no games or drama that so often is used in the profiles...lol. I know all guys arent the same and we must be weeding through all the players until we get to the sincere guys...lol. Thats the way I choose to look at it, since I am a very positive person. I believe there is someone out there for every one. I like to compare it to the concept that Noah had two of every thing that was created in this world so I believe it still stands as such thus the everyone has someone for them concept.I know not everyone will look at this way because of the ratio of women to men in the world, but its a nice thought..lol. Good luck everyone and have lots of fun getting there!...lol

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  41.   melodicallynluv says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 09

    I find this funny, I get black men msging me and I am like "ummm...why are they msgining me" they need to go to a black love website loll nothing against them. It's just funny to be on an interracial dating site and seek out your same race lol

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  42.   CHARLE73 says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    I have been a member for a couple of months and have too noticed that quite a few white male members on AR are looking to date within their own race. It almost seems like a place for undecided people to experiment with their hidden desires.. I was also under the assumption that this site was built for individuals who choose to date African American women and men outside of their own race. I believe that regardless of what site WE (African American Women) visit, we will always have some level of difficulty dating outside of our race. If an individual is not on AR to date inter-racially then why join?

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  43.   KSparks says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    I cant stand statics!! These findings have so many women who look like me settling for so much less only because society it telling us we will never be happy and will end up over educated and alone :-( I am contacted by all races even though my profile says specific race interest.

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  44.   ceryndipity says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    @pumpkin22 We can agree to disagree, thankfully. However, I have the feeling that I am being patronized (lol) and that doesn't make sense. I don't agree with all that you're saying, but I don't believe that it was due to naivety, it was due to points that I explained. You have no idea what my experiences are, so to hold them over my head, as you pat it, is not cool. In addition, I read all of the posts, yours was just the one that made me think, I don't want people to think that she is speaking for everyone. Yes, I guess, namely me. If you know that you shouldn't generalize like that, then at least preface it and let people know that you know, but you're gonna do it anyway. My point was and is that self-love is important no matter if you date inside your race,your gender, your species, whatever. And having a handle on our (cause we all have it) baggage can be a start, that's what my years, experience, and education has taught me. My mama taught me; there's a time and a place for everything. Good luck with all that wish for.

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  45.   nic281 says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    This is so sad, That people still make race an issues, I lived in Paris France and also England from a kid till I move to the United States 10 years ago and I can tell you people are more open about dating outside the races than here. Why because in certain countries in Europe people or more open minded and it's not all about race but about feelings, Love, Understanding etc and just being happy with who you are as a person black or white most Americans or not because their society makes them feel that it's not cool, but how can you as a country grow if you still divided by race, you might be the richest nation but you still behind on the race issues and until people start letting go of past hurt and learning from past mistakes you will never build the races not even with a black man in the white house.....

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  46.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 09

    I Believe ; Global warming and high unemployment rates are the cause of over-population alas Only my Belief . And yes , we , My wife and I came saw and conquered each other from different Heritages . Written by a long standing Successful member of this site who while on the streets of America only sees Happy people . There is Good and Bad in all persons / The Devil in me made me do it Hehe .

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  47.   melliot says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 09

    Pumpkin I do understand your ideals, but I urge you to consider that history is written by the conqueror. Therfore, when gathering a view of a community historically you need to look at both sides the side of the conqueror and the conquered or colonized. Now you speak of these mythological ideals of chilvary espoused in the European commuunity, yet you completely skip over the femenist movement in which women were not allowed to work, own property, or even have bank accountsin western society. In contrast within the Islamic culture of the middle east the prophet Mohammed’s wife was know as a shrewd business woman who owend several businesses as did virtually all islamic women long before western culture even evolved. Within Judaism which is also a culture of the east women worked oftentimes harder than men in several feilds for example the buying and selling produce on the open market and investing they were stock brokers of their days while their men farmed and tilled the soil in the feilds their wives used heir minds to invest capitol. In Asian culture women have always played a significant role in business and in African traditional culture it is the woman not the man who would take the crops and bargain and women are held to be the wise mothers of the community whom everyone listens to. Lets not forget that during slavery African American women were considered to be the strong glue that held the group of plantations slaves together and oftentimes kept men slaves from doing something whih might have them killed. In essennce women in all of the cultures were in-fat the de-facto leaders of the households and men are in many cases second in command. I would urge you to wach a rather hilarious documentary done about the women of Iran in which they ofen divorce their husbands and marry other men at the blink of an eye leaving their poor husbands crying and begging for them to come back. Furthermore you must rememeber that it is women in the middle east not men who enforce the wearing of clothing that cover the body and the hair or face. Women decide on the dress guidelines and even tell their men what time they need to be home. That is not to say that women ar enot victims of domestic abuse in those societies like American women, but a signifiant difference in their socities is the whole faily will track you donw if you lay your hands on their female family member. That being said we would all like to beleive that the European pilgrims got off the ships and lived side by side in peace with the Native Americans in peace but that is simply not true. Rape murder, slavery and ethnic cleansing by European men were frequent tools used to expand Europes seeding of territory in early America. We would all like to beleive that the savage Africans as depited in Tarzan were starving in the jungle and depressed until one day men from Europe arrived and offered the depressed African men and women free cruises to America and jobs with subsidized housing when they arrived, however the reality was millions of Africans were stripped away from their villages, women and little boys and girls were raped, afrians were beaten starved, tortured and often cast with weighted chains into the sea when slave ships overestimated their cargo rations. We would all like to beleive that the Thomas Jefferson and Sallie Hennings love story story was the norm for European and African sexual encounters during slavery in America, but sadly rape of black women and children by overseers, slave masters, or guest of the plantations owners who needed what they referred to as a slave wenh bed warmer was a normal occurene during the period. In contrast we would all like to beleive that Shaka Zulu was anoble African prince who expanded the Zulu nation aross Africa and set up trades routes, military universitites, and United Southern Afria under one empire creating honorable men and women, but sadly Shaka Zulu was nothing more than a blood thirsty genocidal maniac who sought the ethnically cleanse South Africa of any Africans who were not of the Zulu tribe through rape and mass executions oftntimes through impaling thousands of men, women, and children at one time. Shacka was boderline Hitler before their was a Hitler, but again he who writes history determines how the story will be told. Shaka today is represented in Africa as a hero and one of the great kings of Africa. In contrast we would all like to beleive the great stories that the American Indians were a peaceful people living in perfect harmony of the land, but long before Europeans ever arrived tribal wars and anihilation of villages were a frequent occurence. Lastly we would all like to beleive in the chilvary of Alexander conquest to bring civilization to the heathen and savage people of the Babelonian empire who's city had indoor plumbing, air condition created by a a hydroelectric system, and massive trade routes. However the truth is Alexander in a onquest to gain fame among the Greeks set out to conquer, rape, pillage, and enslave people from North Africa all the way to Asia. Lastly Ghengis Khan was also a chilvarious person in his also genocidial conquest across Asia and parts of Europe. Oh and lets not forget Romes policy of slavery or burn your village to the gorund and execute everyone. This all being said history is written by those who control the medium to exploit it. Your impressions of European men being grounded in this mythical chilvary is straight out of a Charleotte Bronson classical novel, but has absolutely not fatual basis behind it. If the invention of the video and dvd sex industry, organized prostitution, date rape drugs, and girls gone wild is putting women oh a pedestal then I honestly would like to know where your base to this pedestal is. Similarly, black men are in no better position with the exploitation of woemn in music videos and their outward denegration of women through their music and speech. Men no matter what race exploit women. You have confused what you have read in romance novels and watched on tv with reality. Now lets talk some reality. You live in Napels Florida whih is know as a huge drug corridior in Florida. You happen to be located in a place where many Black men have a better chance of getting life in prison than finishing high school. Naples is a violent area which is largely know for the violent black on black crime. It would seem to me that men born into a hostile enviorment woul tend to be a produt of their enviorment without proper guidance to stay clear of such nonsense. Just like black women raised in such enviorments might become a product of suh an enviorment. I dare not say without having met you that you like many black women in Naples have gold teeth, pink or green hair, 3 kids by different men all of whom are in prison and are on welfare and at hostile if asked a simple question. I dare not say that because I wont group you ar eany woman into a box based on a stereoype of a culture whih is sily not true. Regarding your inacurate depition of Jewish men once again you have taken a personal expereince and applied it to the whole. As a Jew I see no difference in their treatemnt of women than any other race but because you had a few good experiences with Jewish men you have put them in the acceptable category. The fallacy of your logi is what happens when you have a string of bad experiences with Whie or Jewish men will you then cut then off and make stereotypical comments to apply to all JEwish or White men or do you only apply stereotypial comments to ethnic groups that are non-European or Jewish? Be consistent!

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  48.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @32bookworm, I'm sorry to read you've had all these negative experiences. For myself, I would study profiles, very carefully-for what they say and what they don't. Does the man advertise superficial things or activites or is he telling you about his character and his values? For my profile, I made it clear and upfront that I'm a practicing Christian and that I was looking for someone at least leaning in that direction. I'm sure that was a big turn-off to many in the "strictly for a fling" crowd. And when he writes you, he's going to give you clear hints as to what he values. And if those values aren't in almost complete alignment with yours, then he isn't the one. Hope this helps.

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  49.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @ceryndipity, It's certainly nice that I got your attention (lol) and I got you thinking. At the same time, we'll probably have to agree to disagree on some points. You and I are coming from different experiences. I would also venture a guess that I also speak from many more years of experience-formal and informal, than you. Years before the Internet, even personal computers were concepts, I've been studying and observing the dynamics surrounding race. But now that it's here and this is an inter-racial site, I think it makes for the perfect format for this kind of discussion. I don't make generalizations easily because I know it comes awfully close to the stereotyping that we as African-Americans have suffered so greatly under. I know there is nothing, inherently inferior about any of us. I maintain my assertion that we are all unconsciously very much affected by the cultures we inherit from our ancestors. But I also feel we can evolve beyond them-if we make a concerted effort to do so. As I indicated earlier, as young as I may photograph, I'm no spring chicken. While I appreciate Western European culture's treatment of women, I'm not naive that I would maintain that all white men are white knights in shining armour. That's juvenile, even a little insane. A site like this is going to draw people of varying character who are here for many reasons, some of which are not too positive. A woman must never leave her common sense at the door for any man. @takinitall I was thinking the same thing, my dear. But as they say, it is what it is.

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  50.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @talnwhite1 You are such a moron!! You are definitely one of those people who sits around and talks about the 'takeover of the white race'. I can see you as a prospect for the Arayan nation. 'The darkies and towel heads are coming to get us...get the shotguns..'.... as he peeks through his blinds! Here are your stats: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/36/3651000.html NYC is 44.7% white. I said 44%. Your personal attacks are funny! I know how to spell 'ass'. However, you are an 'azz'! All the agencies that you quoted as your source should sue you for using their name. DeeWhizz already used the demographic map link that I was going to include. Did you notice you were correct? Looks like white people only live in Staten Island!! All government agencies are currently requesting that you not use their agencies in any further quotes! But then again, the only people who work their are foreigners and non-whites. I am sure you will tell me that the census stats are false because 99% of the people who work there are black.

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