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What’s the story behind mismatched couples?

Posted by James, 22 Jul

Why are those two together?

Everyone knows at least one couple that makes that question escape their breath. Great guy and a bi*** from hell, good mannered gal with some ill-mannered ghetto boy, beauty and beast …you just can’t understand what kind of drug or hypnosis one of them was on when they hooked up. Could it be a simple case of ‘opposites attract’ or something more?

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I recently read something that kinda tried to shed some light on what really cuts:

Two firemen go into the forest to put out a fire. Afterward, they emerge by a steam. The face of one of them is covered in soot and the other is completely clean. Which one of them do you think will wash his face? If you think it’s the sooty guy, think again! He looks at the other man and assumes his face is also clean. Similarly, his partner looks at him and assumes his face is as sooty hence washes his face.

I think this is what happens with mismatched couples. Each one of them sees himself or herself in the face of the other. The bad spouse absorbs positive energy from the good spouse and the good spouse probably sees the dirt on the partner’s face and assumes he or she is worse and don’t deserve better. They feel sad and diminished. Maybe this is why most of us get stuck in bad relationships.

Well, there is only one solution to this: We need to look in the mirror and see ourselves in our own faces. List down your positives and focus on them. Love yourself first and believe that anyone should feel honored to walk on the same ground as you. If you really love yourself, then it’s high time you sought out the clean-faced among you.

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9 responses to "What’s the story behind mismatched couples?"

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  1.   MzBrOwNSuGaR says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    Yes this would be whose interpretation of mismatched? LOL

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  2.   mika0227 says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 09

    People are usually attracted to those that are most similar to themselves; now, if others perceive them as "mismatched", then, that's their own perception, and it may be based on something as simple as their outward appearances.

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  3.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 09

    James, I am sooo proud of you for this thread! How we see ourselves is half the reason (I think) that we pick the mates we do! Now I'm not saying if someone is not so physically hot and a mate chooses them that means the mate sees his/herself as unbecoming. Far from it! It could say that person looks and needs what is inside a person more than what is surface visually. I've often been called a great beauty and have often attracted men both handsome and not so, wealthy and one day from booking in at Momma's house permanently. It often makes me laugh as in the relationships I've experienced it was always the spirit of the person I was attracted to. Whatever a man can offer me I can offer myself, but what James wrote, that mirror reflection...that image of completion and harmony betwixt, between, above and beneath. That! That is what we can achieve after a great deal of work on ourselves. The last "love interest" I had a few years back was my last introspection into what guys want. It was time for what I could fully command in the mirror through my own inflection. I moved, went back to school, fortified and strengthened from the inside out. I'd always attracted men who saw me as their pillar of beauty, but honestly felt like a trophy. NO matter who I'm with, as a couple there'd always be a compliment. I think I've just got one of those personalities that is a wrap around kind of energy...synergy as it is called. I am a go getter, a doer, a mover and a shaker. Many guys see this, but I had to learn to protect it if it were to be of use to anyone outside of my relationship. I learned an unconfident man is attracted to a confident woman, but often times has difficulty standing next to her. Many men like the attraction of the drive it creates, but only want to absorb and benefit from the emotional capability. Some seem nearly jealous. In my world competition for excellence isn't a bad thing, but at the end of the day we have to stand in awe and in celebration of each other no matter who is down and who is up. The next guy that looks my way will be all to happy to beam in this light, the limelight. But of course, I will be looking in the mirror practicing the synergy of THAT person. It will be ME attracting him and his desire will be to me! No more complacent rituals practiced of serving the man's attraction. It has to be balanced and that is my meditation. Thanks James!

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  4.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    When I really feel good about myself, I attract people to me who also feel good about themselves. On the outside we may seem mis-matched but we may not be inside where we live.

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  5.   calmheart says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    Were all mixed, with in our dna we have recorded a vast a mixture of our rich ancestry that leads back to the cradel of civilization.We have found in many dynasties where in -breeding was closely practiced blood diseases such as hemophilia and sickle cell anemia were prevalent.This comment was more of a response to the mismatched couples.I agree when we see ourselves in the eyes of our soul mate,We find a way to make it work. All the wall and all the boundaries come down leaving only boundless possibilities.Polar opposites adjust their polarity.

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  6.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Ichibod That's the thing I've been running into with men. They will say they want one thing but their actions say another. I met a guy from Atlanta (online) 5 months prior to relocating from California to Georgia. We went thru the whole "getting to know each other" phase during that 5 month period. I moved to Atlanta and we started dating. All was well and we got along great. Two months into dating, he blurted out during a night out that he couldn't see himself marrying a woman with kids. It kind of thru me thru a loop because he knew from the very beginning (prior to my move) that I have children. Also, at this point, marriage wasn't even a consideration. So, I asked him why would he even date me knowing I have children. This is the kicker (OMG!), he says because I'm a great woman and he enjoys spending time with me. Needless to say, you could hear crickets chirping at this point. After that, I decided not to see him again. He resurfaced 8 months later and apologized for what he said but as far as I'm concerned, he spoke how he really felt and was now trying to backtrack and fix what he messed up. Long story short, he didn't know what he wanted (or maybe he did) and he really wasted my time on a bunch of BS. I also think he realizes the qualities I have and it's hard to find that. In fairness, I have to say he has a lot of great qualities, as well but that one statement kind of put the nail in the coffin for me. I won't put a man (that is not my children's father) ahead of my children. BTW Ich, I enjoy reading your posts because your seem like a very balanced individual and that is reflective in the things you say in the blogs. I dig your positive energy. Keep it up!

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  7.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    That's exactly right, bardoville and fire321. Many times a person may think they know what they want and totally pass up or miss what is best. It sometimes take a couple of years and sloppy relationdhips to really figure that out. It is, however, very important that we don't forsake the lessons we learn. Self examination and accountability is essential. Pride is a guaranteed downfall, maturity is the key. Good to see you ladies!

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  8.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    I think you choose a mate based on where you are emotionally and mentally at that time in your life. We've all been there and made poor choices but we never took notice as to why. After a certain amount of time, you need to do some self-reflecting and see how you played a role in choosing to be with someone that you realize later in life that you should have never been with. Thank God for maturity and my growth process.

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  9.   bardoville says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    I think you're absolutely spot on on this one!... I can totally relate to this... Whenever I have been in a relationship in which my friends have said, "but you guys are just sooo different!" (i.e. sadly mismatched) I've felt my energy being somehow drained from me by my partner... And I've noticed myself sliding down to 'his level' but have been unable to stop myself, and have silently felt increasingly miserable without knowing why... I discovered the 'why' a few months ago, litterally, and so in reading this article I can only but smile and nod enthusiastically:-) Char

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